Doc Weasel Presents: Ask Uncle StupidHead
Uncle Stupidhead has all the answers to all of the questions that are plaguing our society. Every week Uncle Stupidhead helps with problems from our readers. If you have a question for Uncle Stupidhead about life, love, or your liver,
Last week's topic:
Uncle Stupidhead gives his expert advice on the subject of Conjugal Relations.
Uncle Stupidhead's Link of the Week:
Dear Uncle Stupidhead:
The first time my father came into my bedroom, it was a hot July night and I was wearing just thin cotton panties and a midi T-shirt. Daddy stood in the doorway of my room for a long time before he made his bold move. I was so cute with my tiny body and my long blonde hair!
What Daddy needed was a good fuck. He'd been trying to fight the desire to take me as his lover. I was sleeping soundly when Daddy crawled into bed with me but instinctively I cuddled my young nubile body against him.
Daddy moved his hand higher to my firm budding breasts and began fondling them. Soon my gumdrop sized nipples were hard and I was breathing rapidly. Then Daddy rubbed my smooth pussy through my cotton panties. Soon I was SO WET!
"This is going to hurt some, sweetheart. But it will get better, I promise," he said as I lifted my tight, smooth ass to allow him to remove my wet panties.
Daddy moved my knees apart and crawled between them, moving his thick cock to my slippery pussy. Gently he put the head a little way into my dripping opening. Moving a fraction of an inch at a time, Daddy slid his cock into my virgin pussy until it met the thin barrier of my cherry. Quickly he pushed through it as I yelped in pain. My little pussy was SO TIGHT and it was gripping his cock as I made soft sounds and moved my hips with his rocking motion. Daddy felt himself starting to cum as he sent wave after wave of cum into me and I screamed with my first orgasm, digging my nails into Daddy's back as my feet drummed on his pumping ass.
My question is, what's a good Father's day gift?
Dear Daddy's Girl:
If you get a bee-sting what my Mom used to do is mix baking soda with water and make a paste, and she's put that on it. Hope this helps and Good Luck!
Dear Uncle Stupidhead:
I should explain about Liz. She's close to 6 feet tall, and is built like a brick shithouse. She generally wore tank tops with jeans and a huge pair of "fuck-off boots". If it weren't for the big, swollen breasts you'd have thought she was a mean looking linebacker. She pulled me into the parking lot of a local dyke bar last weekend and proceeded to molest me.
Her hands were on my shoulders, and then my breasts, as we stood kissing I opened my mouth and slipped my tongue in as far as I could, as I felt hers attacking mine. Her hands were roughly squeezing my breasts, and then my ass. She pulled me in further, and began to rub my crotch against her thigh.
Liz ran a finger along my lips and then into my mouth, where I eagerly sucked it, and then used it to circle my nipple, before pinching it and pulling on my breast. All the while, she was grinding my pussy into her, until I was half straddling her mammoth thigh.
She grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall, kissing me fiercely. Her hand reached up under my short skirt to cup my mound, and then without warning I felt my lacy panties suddenly pulled and ripped in two. Liz reached up and inserted two fingers into me with her left hand, rubbing my clit with the side of her thumb, while the other fumbled at her belt. She finally got it open, undid her fly, and pulled down the waist of her boxers. Looking down, I saw a huge black strap-on dildo spring up from her waist.
I hurriedly spread my legs wider apart and moved my hips towards her strap-on cock. Liz held me up against the wall, and I caught on to her phallus and helped her guide it in me. As soon as I got the tip in, she slammed her body forward, driving it high up inside me. She proceeded to penetrate me, fucking me deep and hard.
Gasping for air, grasping at Liz's back and arms as she pinned me against the wall, I felt the most powerful orgasm of my life slowly building to a fevered crescendo. Liz was pumping as fast as she possibly could by now, and was herself becoming carried away by the effects of the other end of the dildo, buried deep within her and rubbing her own clit with every thrust.
My orgasm racked my whole body and tore out of my throat with a primal, guttural scream. She kept pumping frantically, agonising my hypersensitive clit. I was whimpering as she continued to pound her phallus into me, as my body still somehow was kept on the edge of my climax. Just as I thought I would faint from her efforts, Liz shuddered, and pushed into me as deeply as she could one last time. She shuddered her orgasm and dropped me to the floor like a ragdoll, then walked into the bar leaving me there on the ground, sobbing and panting.
Is a Thank You card appropriate, or should I send flowers or maybe a small gift? -Polyetheline Pam
Doesn't it feel great now that the days are cooling down and the leaves are turning? I don't think there is anything so pretty as a hillside of trees in their Autumn finery. I have a pair of boots like that too, btw.
Dear Uncle Stupidhead:
I was at a party recently, and I left the room, leaving my friend Dave and my wife Karen talking. Dave poured another drink for the two of them, although my wife was already mellowed by earlier drinks. Dave then put on some music, and asked my wife to dance. Karen agreed, so they were dancing, at which point Dave tried to kiss my wife, but she turned her head away, but Dave tried again, and was successful, but my wife broke the kiss, saying "please don't Dave." I decided to stand out of sight for a minute, just to see what she would do.
Karen was returning his kisses, and soon Dave reached up and pulled the zipper of my wife's dress all the way down to below her waist, the dress falling open in front. My wife gasped, and said, "Please don't, Dave. I can't do anything with you, so please stop."
Dave caught her, lifting her in his arms and carrying her to the huge sofa where he laid her down. Soon Dave was tugging her camisole up, pulling it up over her breasts, then caressing her breasts, and nipples. She groaned as Dave was stroking her nipples, then putting his mouth and tongue on her breasts.
Although Karen held her thighs together, Dave finally managed to stroke between them, my wife gasping as he caressed the lips of her cunt. Finally he managed to spread her thighs enough so that he could get his knee between her thighs, Karen gasping more as he was
stroking her, his fingers finally invading her cunt, the lips now swollen and red, and beginning to gape some.
At this point Dave quickly stripped off his clothes, and exposing a very large and thick cock as he removed his shorts. My wife gasped, wide eyed as his cock was exposed, closing her legs as she said, "N--no, no, please-I'm begging you. I'm not on the pill and its my most fertile time of the month right now!"
Dave sensed her surrender, and he rose up and mounted her. He directed his cock against the wet lips of her cunt, and began to press into her, my wife giving one last protest, wailing as she felt herself being invaded, feeling her pussy lips being stretched by his huge cock. The head of his cock widened her further like a wedge. Finally, with a hoarse cry from my wife, his head popped in and he entered her. Dave was slowly pushing into my wife, moving his cock back and forth, entering her deeper, till finally she was fully impaled on his cock, her body jerking as she cried out again.
Dave slowly fucking my wife with long strokes, pulling almost completely out and then pushing fully into my wife, hearing her grunting with each stroke, her legs jerking. Dave was taking a long time with her, and soon he was thrusting more powerfully into her, fucking her faster, as my wife cried out again and again, her body jerking with his thrusts.
Finally, her legs were lifting, and she clamped them over his thighs, giving a shrill cry as her orgasm overtook her, her body spasming to his thrusts, crying out again and again, her legs wrapping around his back and her ass moving as she pounded her hips up to meet his slamming groin, grinding his cockhair into her clit. At that point Dave thrust fully into my wife, and gripping her hips he began spurting into her again and again as he groaned, the muscles in his ass rippling with each squirt of cum.
Dave rolled her on her stomach, then pulled her up on her hands and knees, my wife to weak to resist. He pushed her head and shoulders down to the sofa, and spread her thighs, as he stood behind her, pressing the head of his cock against her now dripping cunt, and with a powerful thrust of his fully erect cock he entered again, as my wife cried out once more, and then a shrill cry as he drove into her now stretched out pussy again. Never again would it be the tight little pussy that squeezed my cock. He was stretching it out so that from now on only a massive cock like his would satisfy her. Holding her hips he fucked her steadily for a long time, reaming her pussy deep and wide. I could see her chubby ass jiggle as he slammed into it, and she rocked back meeting his thrusts and grinding her pretty young butt into his groin.
I could see her cunt stretched tightly around his cock again. Finally my wife cried out again as her orgasm swept over her, and Dave groaned again as he emptied another load from his balls directly into her unprotected womb.
A few weeks later she told me she was pregnant, and I knew who the father was, since I hadn't fucked her since that night, but I couldn't say anything.
Don't you think he ought to buy us a stroller or a bathinette at least? -Canadian Cuckhold
Most people prefer the young, thin Elvis but I happen to like the older, fatter Elvis because of his big ol' belt buckles, karate kicks in concert plus that song about "Another little baby born, in the ghetto!" Most people don't take that into account.
Well, that's all for this week, visit again next week for more "Ask Uncle Stupidhead!"