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Team America Dicks Fuck Hollywood Pussies
This week's update by: doc
Last week's feature Suicide Dolls
Team America is funny as hell and satisfies the urge every decent human being in America outside, which means everyone outside of Hollywood and SanFrancisco, to kill all activist "actors"

The genius of TAWP is that it isn't a gag-a-minute send-up like Airplane or Top Secret or even Scary Movie- 90% of the dialog is straight out of any Hollywood action flick, just as hackneyed and trite. The camera angles are perfect "movie poster" moments every Jerry Bruckenheimer movie reeks of; the slow motion walk of testosterone as the heroes head out for the final show-down with the bad guys. The star is a square-jawed Kurt Russell type who is so secure in his manhood he'll suck cock to prove his loyalty and patriotism.

But send-ups are kind of old hat. The aforementioned Airplane and more recently Scary Movie and others have played that genre to death. What makes TA:WP kick ass is the fact it goes right accross the grain of PC Hollywood's official stand on the WOT: Bush is full of shit, if we just sat down and talked out our problems and America quit acting like macho cowboy dicks, the world would be a lot better off. Well I've read the reviews where it says Parker and Stone offend everyone here. I don't see it. Team America comes off as slightly bumbling but their heart is in the right place, they are far from evil corporate stooges, and they are essentially right while the Hollywood F.A.G.pack are posturing poseurs who are way out of their depth in global politics but have enough arrogance and stupidity and press adoration to actually cause more death than the 'warmongers'.

Another fact not to be lost in the message: there isn't one conservative icon who gets represented here. Peter Jennings represents LameStreamMedia, there's Michael Moore ranting and the idiot actors. None are treated as if they have any redeeming qualities at all. Team America on the other hand save the day and turn out to be right all along about terrorism.

I don't pretend to believe Parker and Stone are hard-core Bush backers. But I think they have been successful enough to get enough clout to make their long-overdue swipe at the leftist Hollywood establishment a major buzz machine. I think they are more in touch with regular Americans, who have had it with actors spouting their take on American foreign policy from their lofty perch of celebritydom. There was actual cheering in the theatre I was in when Garafalo got her head blown open. The U.N. and Hans Blix aren't spared either.

Ebert was famously pissed there was no Bush puppet and gave the entire film one star because according to him, it wasn't 'focused' enough. What he really meant was it wasn't focused on President Bush and it took on the sacred cows of movie star elitists. Politically, Parker and Stone took a big risk. Doctrinaire leftism is the power in Hollywood and the power-brokers there are just vengeful enough to stick it to the South Park boys in future business deals. I am quite sure the only reason this got made at all is that fat-cat lefty execs of the persuasion that hated "Passion" had no idea the real target is the peacenik left.

The other hilarious thing about Ebert and this movie is that the main evil genius, mercilessly pilloried as a social reject who is very lonely and physically unattrative, is obviously based, at least facially, on the Chicago critic. Besides the counter-counter culture political leanings, I'm sure Ebert saw himself in the caricature, even if noone I've read seems to have caught the big jowls and square glasses, exaggerations of Ebert's own. The only difference between the short, pudgy, self-absorbed and pontificating Il Jong and Ebert is the fact Kim talks like Cartman.

Geting to the actual movie, its funny as fuck. The sex scenes alone are worth the price of admission. I can't wait for the DVD so we can see what they cut out.

If you are a normal, goofy, sense of humor having American you'll laugh your ass off at this movie and feel real satisfaction at seeing Danny Glover get torn apart by a "panther" that looks exactly like Mina, whom I'm petsitting.

I think another thing that really pisses off the leftist movie establishment is that Parker and Stone have a lot more connection with American youth and culture than they do, and Team America actually has the potential to make Americans feel good about what we do around the world instead being told to hate ourselves and our leaders as the source of all that is bad in the universe. I don't think anyone would sit through repeated viewings of F911 no matter how partisan you are. The only reason any of it is funny or satisfying is if you are a hard-core Republican hater. Otherwise its just tired propaganda or inside machinations about the House of Saud that most of Moores "slacker" audience could give a shit about.

TA:WP on the other hand will live on at college keggers and dorm parties for years while F911 gather dust in the nation's DVD collections.

And I don't think there's a man, woman or child alive today that viewed the depiction of Moore's kamikaze without some satisfaction.


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