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Can Chelsea Clinton's Magic Ass Save Hillary?!
This week's update By: doc     visit DWF
Last week's feature: The Honeymoon Is Over!
Still hot on the campaign trail, Chelsea Clinton goes cruising for female tail and ends up getting some anal pleasuring from adoring dykes:

via Say Anything: This has to be the strangest story of the election season so far.

“I grabbed her ass,” shouted one woman, prompting surprised looks and laughter from Chelsea and campaign staff escorting her.

“I’ve been trying to find you all night and I found you and you’re gorgeous,” Dustin Thorn, 31, of Philadelphia told her.

“I think Chelsea looks better in person and she’s got the body and ass of life,” said Christoper Murray after wrapping his arms around her and giving her a big hug.

Ass of life? Congratulations, Christopher Murray.  From here forward all your future employers and lovers Googling you to find out who you really are will find out that you’re an “ass of llife” guy. Well done, sir.

Using complex computer models of electoral trends and lesbian voter habits, docweasel blog has constructed an extrapolation of a precinct by precinct percentage gain that George W. Bush might have enjoyed had he deployed the Bush twins magic asses to cavort around gay bars during the 2004 and 2006 mid-terms, while he was traveling the country himself.

The model can accurately predict that it would have been a guaranteed vote magnet, turning swing lesbian and bi-sexual women in crucial battle ground states where Rove might have used those 19 year old nymphs. A scenario the model constructed this weekend presented the spectacle of the Bush twins' firm young buttocks - ensconced in matching hot pink (Jenna) and lime green (the other one) neon hot pants:

Using complex computer models of electoral trends and lesbian voter habits, docweaselblog has constructed an extrapolation of a precinct by precinct percentage gain that George W. Bush might have enjoyed had he deployed the Bush twins magic asses to cavort around gay bars during the 2004 and 2006 mid-terms, while he was traveling the country himself.

The Bush twins, freelance campaigning for Dad — click to embiggen

The model can accurately predict that it would have been a guaranteed vote magnet, turning swing lesbian and bi-sexual women in crucial battle ground states where Rove might have used those 19 year old nymphs. A scenario the model constructed this weekend presented the spectacle of the Bush twins’ firm young buttocks - ensconced in matching hot pink (Jenna) and lime green (the other one) neon hot pants:

[21:14 hours]
…being felt up by smokin’ hot lipstick lesbians who smear their makeup as they lustily shove their tongues down the twins throats while kneading their smooth round buns…

…calculating… rendering scenario…

[21:22 hours]
…a tall, muscular red-headed dyke runs her fingers down the small of Jenna’s back, running the tips of her fingers lightly over Jenna’s bottom, then sliding down into her white lace thong panties and then down between the cleft of her buttocks, lightly tapping her pink, pulsating rosebud as Jenna squirmed appreciatively and lowered her head to the red-head’s nipple…

…calculating… rendering scenario…

Jenna Bush’s magic ass (artist’s rendering) — click to embiggen

[21:38 hours]
…while a statuesque Nordic blonde runs her fingernails along the other twin’s taut, flat stomach as she nibbles her lips, until Barb surrenders and sucks her tummy in, allowing the insistent dyke to push her hand down between the twin’s thighs…

…calculating… rendering scenario…

[21:55 hours]
…finding her sweet spot and alternately gently massaging and roughly rubbing her as a prelude to a sweaty, passionate, Sapphic rut

…fault…daemon error…

…calculating… rendering scenario… system node fault… 0000iop80345asd-978934//asdfi908908!!11eleventy///…

Then the computer melted down, and the model scenario was never resolved.

However, analysis certainly allows that it would have won the news cycle for that day, and might have tipped the balance in Pennsylvania, giving Bush 21 more electoral votes and a solid mandate, as fapping voters might have given the GOP a 200 seat advantage in the House and 5 more Senators plus Joe Lieberman, coming out as a Republican after the double threat of the twin’s enchanted asses had worked their magic on him.

Hillary’s utilization of her daughter’s svelte, trim body seems to have paid off with a gain of what we estimate was around 3 percentage points after a scene that sounds like a fuckpile of lesbian goodness going on all around Clinton:

Andrea Myers, 26, said she was undecided between Clinton and Barack Obama in Tuesday’s Pennsylvania primary until she heard Chelsea was going to be at the bar.

“Once I heard I was a lot more excited,” she said as her sister and girlfriend danced and kissed behind her.

Her sister was making out with her girlfriend? Fuckin’ A, I need to hang with Democrat campaign rallies. That’s where the sex is.

I wonder if there was scissoring and carpet-munching, as well as the normal amount of finger-banging and muff-diving? (the article doesn’t say).

Scandalously, there are no photos of the ass groping.

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