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docweasel.com :: Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 4 : The Black Knight

scene 4 video

[King Arthur music]; [music stops]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Aaaagh!; [King Arthur music]; [music stops]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Aaagh!
GREEN KNIGHT:: Ooh!; [King Arthur music]; [music stops]; [stab]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Aagh!
GREEN KNIGHT:: Oh!; [King Arthur music]; Ooh! Uuh.; [music stops]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Aaaagh!; [clang]
BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT:: Agh!, oh!, etc.
GREEN KNIGHT:: Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!; [woosh]; [BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT]; [thud]; [scrape]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Umm!; [clop clop clop]
ARTHUR:: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.; [pause]; I am Arthur, King of the Britons.; [pause]; I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot.; [pause]; You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?; [pause]; You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:: None shall pass.
ARTHUR:: What?
BLACK KNIGHT:: None shall pass.
ARTHUR:: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT:: Then you shall die.
ARTHUR:: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT:: I move for no man.
ARTHUR:: So be it!
ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT:: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.; [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]
ARTHUR:: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT:: 'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR:: A scratch? Your arm's off!
BLACK KNIGHT:: No, it isn't.
ARTHUR:: Well, what's that, then?
BLACK KNIGHT:: I've had worse.
ARTHUR:: You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT:: Come on, you pansy!; [clang]; Huyah!; [clang]; Hiyaah!; [clang]; Aaaaaaaah!; [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]
ARTHUR:: Victory is mine!; [kneeling]; We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--
BLACK KNIGHT:: Hah!; [kick]; Come on, then.
ARTHUR:: What?
BLACK KNIGHT:: Have at you!; [kick]
ARTHUR:: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT:: Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR:: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT:: Yes, I have.
ARTHUR:: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT:: Just a flesh wound.; [kick]
ARTHUR:: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT:: Chicken!; [kick]; Chickennn!
ARTHUR:: Look, I'll have your leg.; [kick]; Right!; [whop]; [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Right. I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR:: You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT:: Come here!
ARTHUR:: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT:: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR:: You're a looney.
BLACK KNIGHT:: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.; [whop]; [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT:: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR:: Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!