docweasel.com :: still an outlaw in their eyes

docweasel.com :: Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 18 : Roger the Shrubber

[King Arthur music]; [clop clop clop]; [rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!]
ARTHUR:: Old crone!; [rewr!]; [music stops]; Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?; [dramatic chord]
OLD CRONE:: Who sent you?
ARTHUR:: The Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
CRONE:: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.
ARTHUR:: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.
CRONE:: Agh! Do your worst!
ARTHUR:: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!
CRONE:: No! Never! No shrubberies!
ARTHUR:: Ni!
CRONE:: [cough]
BEDEVERE:: Nu!
ARTHUR:: No, no, no, no, i--
BEDEVERE:: Nu!
ARTHUR:: No, it's not that. It's 'ni'.
BEDEVERE:: Nu!
ARTHUR:: No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No.
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR:: That's it. That's it. You've got it.
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE:: Ni!
CRONE:: Ohh!
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR:: Ni!
CRONE:: Agh!
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR:: Ni!
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR:: Ni!
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ROGER THE SHRUBBER:: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?
ARTHUR:: Erm,... yes.
ROGER:: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
ARTHUR:: Did you say 'shrubberies'?
ROGER:: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
BEDEVERE:: Ni!
ARTHUR:: No! No, no, no! No!