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docweasel.com :: Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 19 : The knights who no longer say 'ni' |
- ARTHUR:
- O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is
one small problem.
- ARTHUR:
- What is that?
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Ni! Shh!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky- ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv'.
- RANDOM:
- Ni!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Therefore, we must give you a test.
- ARTHUR:
- What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'?
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!
- [dramatic chord]
- ARTHUR:
- Not another shrubbery!
- RANDOM:
- Ni!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside
this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a
little path running down the middle.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!...
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest
tree in the forest... with... a herring!
- [dramatic chord]
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- A herring!
- ARTHUR:
- We shall do no such thing!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Oh, please!
- ARTHUR:
- Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.
- ARTHUR:
- What word?
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot
hear.
- ARTHUR:
- How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- You said it again!
- ARTHUR:
- What, 'is'?
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Agh! No, not 'is'.
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.
- BEDEVERE:
- My liege, it's Sir Robin!
- MINSTREL: [singing]
- He is packing it in and packing it up
- And sneaking away and buggering up
- And chickening out and pissing off home,
- Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.
- ARTHUR:
- Sir Robin!
- ROBIN:
- My liege! It's good to see you.
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Now he's said the word!
- ARTHUR:
- Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
- MINSTREL: [singing]
- He is sneaking away and buggering up--
- ROBIN:
- Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it.
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- He said the word again!
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh!
- ROBIN:
- I was looking for it.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh!
- ROBIN:
- Uh, here-- here in this forest.
- ARTHUR:
- No, it is far from this place.
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...
- ARTHUR:
- Oh, stop it!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- ...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!
- ARTHUR:
- Patsy!
- HEAD KNIGHT:
- Wait! I said it! I said it!
- [clop clop clop]
- Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!
- KNIGHTS OF NI:
- Aaaaugh!...
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