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docweasel.com/monty python/life of brian/scene 01
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docweasel.com :: Monty Python's Life of Brian
Scene 1 : Three wise men |
- [holy music]
- BABY BRIAN COHEN:
- [crying]
- WISE MAN #1:
- Ahem.
- MANDY COHEN:
- Ohhh!
- [whump]
- Who are you?
- WISE MAN #1:
- We are three wise men.
-
- MANDY:
- What?!
- WISE MAN #1:
- We are three wise men.
- MANDY:
- Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at
two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise
to me.
- WISE MAN #3:
- We are astrologers.
- WISE MAN #1:
- We have come from the East.
- MANDY:
- Is this some kind of joke?
- WISE MAN #2:
- We wish to praise the infant.
- WISE MAN #1:
- We must pay homage to him.
- MANDY:
- Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot,
out!
- WISE MAN #1:
- No--
- MANDY:
- Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune
tellers. Come on. Out!
- WISE MAN #2:
- No, no. We must see him.
- MANDY:
- Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!
- WISE MAN #2:
- We--
- WISE MAN #1:
- We were led by a star.
- MANDY:
- Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!
- WISE MAN #1:
- Well-- well, we must see him. We have brought presents.
- MANDY:
- Out!
- WISE MAN #2:
- Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.
- MANDY:
- Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the
place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh, anyway?
- WISE MAN #3:
- It is a valuable balm.
- MANDY:
- A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might
bite him.
- WISE MAN #3:
- What?
- MANDY:
- That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the
trough.
- WISE MAN #1:
- No, it isn't.
- MANDY:
- Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...
- WISE MAN #3:
- No, no, no. It is an ointment.
- MANDY:
- Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream
it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he
then?
- WISE MAN #2:
- Hmm?
- MANDY:
- What star sign is he?
- WISE MAN #2:
- Uh, Capricorn.
- MANDY:
- Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
- WISE MAN #2:
- Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our Messiah.
- WISE MAN #1:
- King of the Jews.
- MANDY:
- And that's Capricorn, is it?
- WISE MAN #2:
- Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.
- MANDY:
- Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be a lot of
them.' [sniff]
- WISE MAN #1:
- By what name are you calling him?
- [holy music]
- MANDY:
- Uh, 'Brian'.
- WISE MEN:
- We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us all.
Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father.
Amen.
- MANDY:
- Do you do a lot of this, then?
- WISE MAN #2:
- What?
- MANDY:
- This praising.
- WISE MAN #2:
- No, no. No, no.
- MANDY:
- Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in.
Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er,
but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All
right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye. Well, weren't they nice?
Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.
- [WISE MEN leave]
- Look at that. Hoo hoo hoo.
- [WISE MEN return and grab presents]
- Here! Here! Here, that-- that's mine! Hee. Hey, you just
gave me that! Oh.
- [whump]
- [holy music]
- BABY BRIAN:
- [crying]
- MANDY:
- Shut up.
- [smack]
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