docweasel.com :: still an outlaw in their eyes

docweasel.com :: Monty Python's Life of Brian
Scene 6 : Mandy tells Brian he's a Roman

MANDY:: Oh.
OFFICER:: Good afternoon.
MANDY:: Oh, ah. Hello, officer. Ehh. I'll be with you in a few moments. All right, dear?
BRIAN:: What's he doing here?
MANDY:: Now, don't start that Brian, and go and clean your room out.
BRIAN:: Bloody Romans.
MANDY:: Now, look, Brian. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have all this, and don't you forget it.
BRIAN:: We don't owe the Romans anything, Mum.
MANDY:: Well, that's not entirely true, is it Brian?
BRIAN:: What do you mean?
MANDY:: Well, you know you were asking me about your, uh...
BRIAN:: My nose?
MANDY:: Yes. Well, there's a reason it's... like it is, Brian.
BRIAN:: What is it?
MANDY:: Well, I suppose I should have told you a long time ago, but...
BRIAN:: What?
MANDY:: Well, Brian,... your father isn't Mr. Cohen.
BRIAN:: I never thought he was.
MANDY:: Now, none of your cheek! He was a Roman, Brian. He was a centurion in the Roman army.
BRIAN:: You mean... you were raped?
MANDY:: Well, at first, yes.
BRIAN:: Who was it?
MANDY:: Heh. Nortius Maximus his name was. Hmm. Promised me the known world he did. I was to be taken to Rome, House by the Forum. Slaves. Asses' milk. As much gold as I could eat.; Then, he, having his way with me had... voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct.
BRIAN:: The bastard!
MANDY:: Yeah. So, next time you go on about the 'bloody Romans', don't forget you're one of them.
BRIAN:: I'm not a Roman, Mum, and I never will be! I'm a Kike! A Yid! A Hebe! A Hook-nose! I'm Kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!; [slam]
MANDY:: Huh. Sex, sex, sex. That's all they think about, huh? Well, how are you, then, officer?