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docweasel.com :: Monty Python's Life of Brian
Scene 26 : Crucifixion party

text in yellow is from the Director's Cut

NISUS:: Mhmm. Crucifixion party. 'Morning. Now, we will be on a show as we go through the town, so let's not let the side down. Keep in a good, straight line, three lengths between you and the man in front, and a good, steady pace. Crosses over your left shoulders, and, if you keep your backs hard up against the crossbeam,...
ALFONSO:: Ohhh.
NISUS:: ...you'll be there in no time.
ALFONSO:: Ohhh.
NISUS:: Heh.
ALFONSO:: Ooh.
NISUS:: All right, Centurion.
PARVUS:: Crucifixion party! Wait for it.
ALFONSO:: Ooh.
PARVUS:: Crucifixion party, by the left! Forward!
BEN:: You lucky bastards!; You lucky, jammy bastards!; scene 26 Director's cut video; [clunk]; [suspenseful music]; [cawk cawk cawk...]
STRAW LOOK-OUT:: It is the sign!
OTTO:: The sign that is the sign?
STRAW LOOK-OUT:: Yes!
OTTO:: Men! Our time has come. Our leader calls. Men! Forward!; [whump clunk thump whump...]; Oh, my cock.
ALFONSO:: Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. Oh. Oh.
SAINTLY PASSER-BY:: Let me shoulder your burden, brother. Uh.
ALFONSO:: Oh, thank you.
SAINTLY PASSER-BY:: Uh. H-- hey!
PARVUS:: Oh, hey! What d'you think you're doing?
SAINTLY PASSER-BY:: Ah, i-- it's not my cross.
PARVUS:: Shut up and get on with it!
MR. CHEEKY:: Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He had you there, mate. Didn't he? That'll teach you a lesson. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!; scene 26 Director's cut 2; [baby crying]
SOUVENIR SHOPKEEPER:: Souvenir of Calvary. Very nice little item, this. Wrap it ‘round a lamp and the crosses twinkle on and off. Very nice. Doubles as a tablecloth or a curtain or--
JUDITH:: No!
SOUVENIR SHOPKEEPER:: Totally washab-- Oh, Pilate at it again, eh? Well, how about this, then? A couple of crosses. One slightly damaged, only very sl--