Series 3, Episode 28: Fish Slapping Dance

JOHN CLEESE

MICHAEL PALIN

The sketch:

(An animated item ends with a sign saying 'And now, the Fish Slapping Dance'.
(Cut to a quayside. John and Michael, dressed in tropical gear and solar topees. John stands still while Michael dances up and down before him to the jolly music of Edward German. Michael holds two tiny fish and from time to time in the course of the dance he slaps John lightly, across the cheeks with them. The music ends; Michael stops dancing. John produces a huge great fish and swipes Michael with it. Michael falls off the quay into the water.)

(ANIMATION: underwater. We see an animated Michael sinking. He is swallowed by a fish with a swastika on its side.)

Nazi Fish: Welcome aboard, Britisher pig. Quite a little surprise, ja? But perhaps you would be so kind as to tell us all you know about certain allied shipping routes, ja? Come on, talk!

(The Nazi fish is swallowed by a fish with an RAF emblem.)

British Fish: Hello, Fritz. Tables seem to have turned, old chap, let's see how you like a bit of your own medicine, eh? Come on, Fritz, now tell us - tell us about...

(The British fish is swallowed by a Chinese fish.)

Chinese Fish: Ah, gleetings, capitalist dog; very solly but must inform you, you are now plisoner of People's Republic.

Second Voice: Am velly solly, comrade commando, but have just picked up capitalist ship on ladar scanner.

(The Chinese fish. bites the underside of a large ship. Film of big liner sinking in storm. General panic and dramatic music.)