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docweasel.com Monty Python's Flying Circus :: episodes series 3
This week's update By: doc     visit dwf forum
Series 3, Episode 39: Blood Donor
The cast:

SAMSON
John Cleese
GRIMSHAW
Eric Idle

The sketch:

SAMSON:
Blood donors that way, please.
DONOR:
Oh, thank you very much.
SAMSON:
Thank you.
GRIMSHAW:
(whispering)
SAMSON:
What?
GRIMSHAW:
(whispering)
SAMSON:
No, no. I'm sorry, but 'no'.
GRIMSHAW:
(whispering)
SAMSON:
No, you may not give urine instead of blood.
GRIMSHAW:
(whispering)
SAMSON:
No. Well, I don't care if you want to.
GRIMSHAW:
(whispering)
SAMSON:
No. There is no such thing as a urine bank.
GRIMSHAW:
Please.
SAMSON:
No. We have no call for it. We've quite enough of it without volunteers coming in here donating it.
GRIMSHAW:
Just a specimen?
SAMSON:
No. We don't want a specimen. We either want your blood or nothing.
GRIMSHAW:
I'll give you some blood if you'll give me...
SAMSON:
What?
GRIMSHAW:
...a thing to do some urine in.
SAMSON:
No, no. Just go away, please.
GRIMSHAW:
Anyway, I don't want to give you any blood.
SAMSON:
Fine. Well, you don't have to, you see. Just go away.
GRIMSHAW:
Can I give you some spit?
SAMSON:
No.
GRIMSHAW:
Sweat?
SAMSON:
No.
GRIMSHAW:
Ear wax?
SAMSON:
No. Look, this is a blood bank. All we want is blood.
GRIMSHAW:
All right. I'll give you some blood.
SAMSON:
Where did you get that?
GRIMSHAW:
Today. It's today's.
SAMSON:
What group is it?
GRIMSHAW:
What groups are there?
SAMSON:
There's 'A',--
GRIMSHAW:
It's 'A'.
SAMSON:
(sniff) Wait a moment. It's mine. This blood is mine! What are you doing with it?

GRIMSHAW:
I found it.
SAMSON:
You found it?! You stole it out of my body, didn't you?
GRIMSHAW:
No.
SAMSON:
No wonder I'm feeling off-colour. (drinks from bottle) Give that back!
GRIMSHAW:
It's mine.
SAMSON:
It's not yours. You stole it.
GRIMSHAW:
Never.
SAMSON:
Give it back to me.
GRIMSHAW:
All right, but only if I can give urine.
SAMSON:
Get in the queue...

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