Category: humor

Magic Tapestry

The brand new pastor was newly assigned to his first ministry. He was to reopen a church in a run-down part of the big city. He and his housekeeper arrived in late Autumn excited about their opportunities.

When they saw their church, it was very neglected and needed much work. They resolved to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They and some volunteers from the parish worked hard, refinishing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. A week before Christmas they were ahead of schedule and just about finished. The next day a terrible tempest with a driving rainstorm hit the city and lasted for several days.

The next day, the morning before Christmas Eve, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high and going up several feet toward the raftered ceiling above.
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Christmas Candy

They were very poor. The mother worked very hard, but somehow there was never enough food for the little girl, let alone the mother.

Even the rats and roaches that tormented their first months in the shabby room had left them alone now, for there was nothing in the house to eat.

The mother looked at her child’s hunger-drawn face, and felt despair at ever having enough to fill out those cheeks, bring light to those beautiful eyes. She herself had not had a real meal in over a year. And now it was Christmas, and she had no job, and no food, and they were starving.

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Tits, Boobies, Breasticles, Knockers, Tatas, Bazooms, Funbags, Hooters, Melons, Pearl Necklace catchers, whatever you call them, guys love tits. And it probably all goes back to nursing and milk. So why are tits so popular and the product they make, not so much, once you grow up?

They had to come up with a really great ad campaign to sell the fruit of the hooter, and here’s the story:

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2good2B4gott3n

via AOSHQ

Terrorist Entertainment

TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY REPOST!
Celebrating our 10th anniversary docweasel.com is posting some of our most popular articles from 10 years ago this month

On the 2nd Anniversary of the WTC tragedy, let us remember that some good did come of this terrible event; we destroyed the Taliban and captured Osama bin Laden. Well no, that’s right we didn’t actually capture him but he’s on the run and we’ll have him any day now. Here’s a classic episode of his late night talk show Osama TeeVee from November, 2001. Enjoy
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A while back (years ago really) we featured a radio transcript of Tondaleo Breckinridge, a radio psychic who was quite popular for a local AM radio personality in that she was actually on the air. She has since left the air but still practices her “art”. We were going to do a profile and test reading with her, but she demurred and referred us to her sister, Congolia Breckenridge (like Ann Landers and Dear Abby they use different last names even though they are identical twin sisters so as not to trade off one another’s names, although of course, the psychic sisters probably don’t have the high profile of those 2 gossip and advice twins.
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Christmas Secrets and Memories by docweasel

It was a quiet night. No wind, no rain, no moonlight. Not a night normally associated with spirits and mysticism. Just a quiet, spring night. Clarissa laid across her bed, reading. She was preoccupied and distracted, and her mind wandered out of the story as her eyes continued drifting over the pages, without really seeing. She was thinking of something her Mother had told her, years ago. Remembering.

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Geese and the Snowstorm

There was once a man who did not believe in either the virgin birth of Christ nor the spiritual meaning behind it, and was skeptical even about God. He lived in a farm community. It was a poultry farm, with ducks and chickens, and a large flock of geese, which were the man’s pride.

He had no family of his own. He lived with his housekeeper and her two small children.

His housekeeper was a devout believer and diligently raised her children in the faith. He sometimes ridiculed her piety and mocked her religious observances.

“It’s all nonsense — why would God lower himself and become a human like us? It’s such a ridiculous story,” he said.

Even though he was not religious, he loved Christmas. Of all the fowl, he loved goose the best. And Christmas was the day the housekeeper would make his favorite meal.

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Magic Tapestry

The brand new pastor was newly assigned to his first ministry. He was to reopen a church in a run-down part of the big city. He and his housekeeper arrived in late Autumn excited about their opportunities.

When they saw their church, it was very neglected and needed much work. They resolved to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They and some volunteers from the parish worked hard, refinishing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. A week before Christmas they were ahead of schedule and just about finished. The next day a terrible tempest with a driving rainstorm hit the city and lasted for several days.

The next day, the morning before Christmas Eve, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high and going up several feet toward the raftered ceiling above.
(more…)

Reindeer Games

The reindeer stood unshivering in the sub-zero temperatures of the barn, harnessed and ready for the annual flight.

The flight that defied both time and space, that tested them to the extreme of their stamina, that strained each one of them to the limit of their endurance and strength. After such a flight it took an entire year for the reindeer to recover.

The reindeer communicated without speaking, a communion of minds, a shared memory and life-experience, for they had been born together, and had never been apart since. They had no need of words, they spoke with their hearts, each hearing the thoughts of the others as plainly as if they were spoken aloud.

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