Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 18 : Roger the Shrubber
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[King Arthur music]
[clop clop clop]
[rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!]
ARTHUR: Old crone!
[rewr!]
[music stops]
Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?
[dramatic chord]
OLD CRONE: Who sent you?
ARTHUR: The Knights Who Say ‘Nih’.
CRONE: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.
ARTHUR: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say… we will say… ‘nih’.
CRONE: Agh! Do your worst!
ARTHUR: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,… nih!
CRONE: No! Never! No shrubberies!
ARTHUR: Nih!
CRONE: [cough]
BEDEVERE: Nu!
ARTHUR: No, no, no, no, i–
BEDEVERE: Nu!
ARTHUR: No, it’s not that. It’s ‘nih’.
BEDEVERE: Nu!
ARTHUR: No, no. ‘Nih’. You’re not doing it properly. No.
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR: That’s it. That’s it. You’ve got it.
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Nih!
CRONE: Ohh!
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR: Nih!
CRONE: Agh!
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR: Nih!
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR: Nih!
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ROGER THE SHRUBBER: Are you saying ‘nih’ to that old woman?
ARTHUR: Erm,… yes.
ROGER: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ‘nih’ at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
ARTHUR: Did you say ‘shrubberies’?
ROGER: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is ‘Roger the Shrubber’. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
BEDEVERE: Nih!
ARTHUR: No! No, no, no! No!