How to Be a Cunning Linguist…or Something…
Readers Ask: My girlfriend won’t cum when I give her oral sex, what am I doing wrong?
Well babycakes, you know how I said in my last article that blowjobs are like pizza, even if they’re bad, they’re still pretty good? Unfortunately the same thing does not apply to eating pussy.
Because each woman is different, I can only report on what works for me and the general consensus of the girls I talk to. (And believe me, we discuss this stuff more than you could even imagine…)
I think the first thing to remember when going down on a girl is that not all pussies are created equal. Just because your ex enjoyed having your thumb up her ass while you lapped at her like a hungry dog, doesn’t mean I’m going to,
okay? (But hey, some chicks dig that and like all anal play, I suggest you discuss this with her before trying anything funny.)
In talking with friends during our lunch hour, we came to several conclusions on what makes us purr…or scream, or moan…whatever. The first thing we all agreed on was that, like giving head, knowing the difference between a “soft tongue” and a “hard tongue” is key.
A hard tongue on a fully engorged clit is rarely a pleasurable thing and you’ll be putting ice on your face for several hours after you get a heel to the head.
You see, the clit gets sensitive really quickly, and when it does, it actually HURTS. Once it gets to that point, it almost feels as though someone’s going at it with a palm sander.
Another point I‘d like to bring up is that the clit is key. Your tongue, unless it’s 4-6 inches long, is NOT a mini-cock. A girl’s g-spot is approximately 4-6 inches inside her vagina, so no matter how far you stick your tongue up there, you’re probably not going to reach it, making the move pretty much useless.
The point to eating pussy is to stimulate the clit, and, if you’re especially talented, the g-spot, all at the same time.
To do this, place two fingers inside her while she’s laying on her back (not the best position for your elbows but too bad). Just below her cervix (that little bally thing with the crack in it), and above that rough spot (you know the one I mean…) there’s a flat place.
With both fingers, gently stroke that spot in the “come here” motion, curling your fingers towards the front of her body. You might feel it sort of push against your fingers and the entire vagina should get tighter after about a minute of doing this. (However, this move might take a bit of practice.)
As you’re using your fingers inside her, concentrate on the HOOD of the clit, using a soft tongue in circular motions. (This part varies wildly; some women say up & down tongue motions are better, but personally I say circular and so do 3 of the 4 friends I talked to about it.) A good rule of thumb when eating pussy is that the wetter it is, the better.
There should be a decent layer of saliva or pussy juice between your tongue and her clit. No girl wants a dry tongue scraping across the most sensitive part of her body and no guy wants a concussion when she starts beating him over the head to stop.
Now, the most important thing when going down on a girl is to know how to read her. The majority of women aren’t going to tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. This probably isn’t news but…we’re chickenshits.
The easiest way to tell whether or not a chick is on her way to absolute bliss or just wondering what colour to paint the ceiling, is to listen to her breathing. Most girls hold their breath when they’re about to cum.
I don’t know why, but we do. We even do it when we’re not going to cum but something feels good. If you listen to your girl very carefully while you’re down there, you might hear her stop breathing, then exhale louder than usual. This is a good sign. This means keep doing exactly what you’re doing. It doesn’t mean do it harder, faster, whatever, just keep doing exactly what you’re doing because it’s working.
Another good indication of your progress is her legs. If they twitch every time you do a certain thing, don’t do it. No matter how amusing you find it, stop doing that. That’s a huge indication that the clit is on it’s way to that palm sander thing I talked about earlier.
I know you guys get a huge kick out of this twitching phenomenon (some of you have even admitted it to me) but for her sake and your well being, don’t do it.
If the legs start shaking and then all of a sudden stop, just put your hand on her inner thigh. If it’s hard and she’s flexing, keep doing what you’re doing.
Another weird thing about chicks and cumming is that a lot of us tense our legs really tightly when something feels good or we’re about to blow. Again, I have no idea why, but if you’re listening to her breathing like a good boy, you’ll probably find that she’s holding her breath at the same time.
The fact of the matter is, we know you’re not mind readers, but somehow we think that if we try hard enough, we can psychically tell you what to do in order to put us in a state of euphoria. We’ve got this whole inner dialogue in our heads while you’re down there you know.
We’re saying to ourselves “yeah yeah, do that! Oh, to the left, yeah, that’s the shit” or “okay buddy, five more seconds of that and I am sooooo not giving you the rim job I promised.”
The most important thing about eating pussy and doing it well, is communication. Unfortunately, as previously stated, women are chickenshits so you need guides like mine to decipher the code. Bon apetit!