1st Radio Psychic: (show in progress) So I’m seeing a man with dark features and hair, like you say you have, he’s older than you.
Caller #1: Yes! That must be my father!
1st RP: He’s taller than you. I sense he’s passed away.
Caller #1: Oh yes, oh this is amazing! As I said, he passed away when I was a child.
1st RP: He says he’s peaceful and he wishes you well.
Caller #1: Thank you so much! You do a great service to bereaved people like me.
1st RP: Well, that’s all the time we have for now, we’ll be back tomorrow night with more Radio Psychic #1. And now stay tuned for That Other Radio Psychic Who Can Talk to Dead People, coming right up.
1st RP: (off-air) Hey man how’s it going, after this commercial you’re up, have a good show.
Bad Radio Psychic: Thanks man.
BRP: on-air OK, let’s get right to it, caller, you’re on the air.
Caller #2 Hi Jon, thanks for taking my call. I’m a woman in my late 20’s and I want to reach someone who was near to me who has passed over.
BRP: I’m seeing a very thin man, skeletal almost, with a shaved head. He’s wearing a mohawk wig dyed hot pink. Does that mean anything to you?
Caller #2: (confused) Uh, no it doesn’t.
BRP: He has all his teeth filed to a point, and he is wearing a woman’s teddy and a g-string. He says he knows you.
Caller #2 That’s absolutely no one I’ve ever known.
BRP: Well, he’s here, he’s dead, and he says he sees you wherever you go and whatever you do, including when you are sleeping and showering. Hope that helps. Let’s go to the next caller.
Caller #3 Hi Jon, I’m a retiree, my husband has passed but I’m looking to speak to my sister, which whom I quarreled as a young adult and never reconciled. I’d like to tell her I’m sorry.
BRP: I have a presence here. Did she keep many pets?
Caller #3 Why yes Jon, she did!
BRP: I’m talking a lot of pets, like 200-300 cats.
Caller #3 Why no, she had a canary and a toy poodle and I think she had 2 cats over the years.
BRP: Well, this sister had hundreds. She was the sister your parents never told you about. She lived in the attic for decades and you never knew.
Caller #3 But we lived in a one-story bungalow with no attic or basement!
BRP: She says she was in the crawlspace. Her corpse is still there now, moldering away, what the cats haven’t eaten. She says she forgives you and asks that you give her a proper burial.
Caller #3 Oh, my God!
BRP: Next caller, you’re on the air.
Caller #4 Uh, well never mind, I don’t think I have anyone I want to contact, Jon.
BRP: Well, I have a presence here. Its a very obese man, skull crushed, with a colorful tattoo of a monkey on his chest. He says you bludgeoned him to death alongside a highway in 1973.
Caller #4 But I’m only 27!
BRP: Yeah, well he says he’s become corporeal and he’s coming after you. Watch your back. That’s all the time we have for tonight, tune in again tomorrow for Radio Psychic Guy Who Talks to Dead People.
(ending theme music)