Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
Scene 6 : Silly Olympics
Announcer John Cleese
Announcer Hello, and welcome to Munich, for the 27th Silly Olympiad, an event held traditionally every 3.7 years, which this year has brought together competitors from over 4 million different countries. And here we are at the start of the first event of the afternoon: the second semifinal of the 100 yards for people with no sense of direction.Aah, to see the competitors; Lane One: Kolomovski of Poland; Lane Two: Zatapatique of France; Lane Three: Gropovich of the United States, next to him: Drabble of Trinidad, next to him: Fernand�z of Spain, and in the outside lane: Bormann of Brazil!
Starter Get set!
(Starter’s pistol shoots)
Announcer Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? And now, over to the other end of the stadium. And here they’re just waiting for the start of the 1500 meters for the deaf. And they’re on the starter’s orders.
(Starter’s pistol shoots again)
Announcer Well, we’ll be coming back the moment there’s any action. And now over to the swimming. And you join us here at the Bundesabsurd pool just in time to see the start of the 200 meters freestyle for non-swimmers. Watch for the top Australian champion Ron Barnett in the second lane.
(Starter’s whistle whistles)
(sound of swimmers splash)
Announcer Well, we’ll be bringing you back here the moment they start fishing the corpses up. And now over to Hans Clegg for the start of the marathon for incontinents. Well, we put in for this event 44 competitors from 29 different countries, all of them with the most superbly weak bladders. Not a tight sphincter in sight. Ready to embark, nevertheless, on the world’s longest race and they’re just aching to go!
Starter On your marks! Get set!
(Starter’s pistol shoots)
Announcer And they’re off! They’re off! Well… Well, back at the 1500 meters and the starter’s putting up a magnificent show! We’ve had volleys, rapid bursts, scattered random fire, fussilades firing, well he still can’t get the buggers moving. It’s enough to make you chew your own foot off!
And now the high jump! Katerina Ovelenskij, Soviet Union! But what a jump! What a jump! That ought to be a record!
And here we are at the 3000 meter steeplechase for people who think they’re chickens! There’s Samuelsson of the United States, and over there is Klaus of East Germany! He’s been a Rhode Island Red now for the last three Olympics. There’s the referee, trying to get them to go but he’s frightened them. There’s the leader, Abe Seagull of Canada who went off, got a very good start then settled water jump, and has now gone broody.
Now we are back with the marathon for incontinents once again. There’s Polinski of Poland in the lead, and-and now Brewer of Australia is taking over! There’s Laparche in front, Brewer’s taken over but he’s got to spend a penny. There goes Brewer. There’s Konig from Austria And so now it is Alvarez of Cuba, followed by the plucky Norwegian Borg, they’re in and out like yo-yos. There’s MacNaugton, but now the Scottish lad, he can’t hold it. Machievic, Machievic of Yugolavia has taken over, he can’t hold it either. Well, well, these must be some of the weakest bladders ever to represent their country! And now, let’s have a look back at what’s going on down on stage!