Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
Scene 14 : Albatross
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 1 episode 13 sketch 3
and the live albums Live at City Center and Live at Drury Lane
Albatross Vendor John Cleese
Man in Hat Terry Jones
Colonel Graham Chapman
Albatross Vendor Albatross! Albatross! Albatross! You’re not supposed to be smoking that! Albatross! Don’t take them!
Audience member What flavor is it? What flavor is it?
Albatross Vendor Seagullsickle! Pelican-bonbon! Albatross!
Man in Hat Could I have… Could I have two icecreams, please?
Albatross Vendor I haven’t got any icecreams, I just got this albatross!
Man in Hat Uh…
Albatross Vendor Albatross!
Man in Hat Uh, what flavor is it?
Albatross Vendor Well, it is an albatross, isn’t it? There’s no bloody flavor! Albatross!
Man in Hat There’s gotta be some flavor, I mean everything’s got a flavor…
Albatross Vendor All right, all right! It’s bloody albatross flavor! Bleedin’ seabird, bleedin’ flavor! Albatross!
Man in Hat Do you get wafers with it?
Albatross Vendor Of course you don’t have fucking wafers with it, you cunt! It’s a fucking albatross, I mean…
Colonel Stop that! Stop that! It’s filthy! Hold on! Right now, we need you! The one in the black, we need you for another skit on stage. And you, get off! You’re not even a proper woman!
Albatross Vendor Don’t you oppress me, mate!
Colonel What are you trying to do? Avoid registration or something?
Albatross Vendor Bleedin’ sexist!
Colonel Come on, we need you for a skit! No one enjoys a good laugh more than I do. Except perhaps for my wife and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people enjoy a good laugh more than I do, but that’s beside the point. Right! Let’s get on with this skit! Where’s the other person for this skit? Right, you want to sit in that chair? And…cue…the…skit!