YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – San Francisco Giant J.T. Snow pulls a midget (longitudinally challenged individual) out of his jock to block Anahiem Angels catcher Bengie Molina and score the winning run in an exciting World Series.
EAREND WEASELS 2002 – Fans applaud Golf legend Arnold Palmer as he walks to the 15th tee with a full load in his Adult Depends.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Saddam Hussein receives award for “Walking Dead-Man” of 2003
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Tiger Woods celebrates winning the “Trent Lott Invitational Golf Tournament”. Woods refused to boycott the event, even after Lott’s controversial comments at StromThurmond’s 100th Birthday. “He don’t golf bad for a colored boy,” said Lott.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Mike Tyson (L) lays on the mat as the referee holds back Lennox Lewis after Tyson injests Lewis’ fake cyanide-laced ear. “Nigga din see dat comin’!” said Lewis.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – San Francisco Giants hire an actual giant for the team, but are still unable to defeat Anaheim after they acquire St. Michael the archangel as their relief pitcher and guardian angel.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Police technicians examining the car that John Muhammad and his stepson John Lee Malvo were in when police surprised them at a rest stop along Route 70 near Myersville discover it has a secret compartment filled with KFC ‘crunchy style’ and an emergency gravy reservoir in the trunk.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Former WorldCom Chief Financial Officer Scott Sullivan (R) is arrested after being charged with conspiracy to commit securities fraud, securities fraud, and five counts of making false filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission. If convicted he could face up to 2 months in a minimum security ‘country club’ type prison with cable and tennis courts. Ain’t that some shit?
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – FBI special agent Coleen Rowley testifies before the Senate Judiciary Committee June 6, 2002. Rowley shocked the FBI questioning the handling of information preceding the September 11 attacks on the United States, but Senators decided to ignore her testimony, but do award her the Martina Navrotilova Look Alike Award for Extreme Dykiness
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Mourners line the streets to honor the passing of a flatbed truck carrying the body of Mark Cowling, WTC victim. His body was squished when he jumped from the 131st floor of the North Tower to a wafer .12 inches thick and 3 meters wide by 12 meters long, setting the WTC record for ‘victim with most surface area’.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – John Allen Muhammad arrives in the Prince William Circuit Court, in Manassas, Virginia, November 13, 2002. He was described by psychiatrists who examined him as “nappy-headed”.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – U.S.
President George W. Bush has large American flag surgically attached to his face after 9/11 to exemplify his patriotism.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Former
Vice President Walter Mondale (C) picks his nose while staring intently at the back of Hillary Clinton’s head trying to remember where he is. He is reported to have asked her if he has been a good little doggie and could he have a biscuit please.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-SC) waves goodbye to Trent Lott’s political career at his 100th birthday party.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Russian President Vladimir Putin receives a kiss on the head from U.S. President George W. Bush as a welcome to the American Lapdog Union of Nations.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – —doc, please insert a ‘rocks in the head’ joke about President George W. Bush here—
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Ten-year-old Timothy Martin grimaces in agony as he inserts U.S. flag into his sinus cavity in a gesture of patriotism after 9/11.
YEAREND WEASELS 2002 – Pope John Paul II asks Cardinal Bernard Law for good pick-ups lines for “that sweet young stuff you been getting over there in the U.S.”