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Even though Angelina Jolie has attended countless soirees, charity balls, pageants, parties, fetes and other worthy events to the point where she will soon attain sainthood, she still has not saved the world. And its our fault.
Her selfless clothes-horsing and attending events in her honor have not helped her career, alas. According to the highly reputable OK Mag:
Though reps for the fashion label say that no decision has been reached, OK! has exclusively learned that Angelina Jolie has been replaced as the face of St. John, for whom she’d been modeling since September 2005.
“Putting celebrities in campaigns is the biggest trend right now, everyone is doing it, but it didn’t work for St. John with Angelina,” a fashion industry insider explains to OK!. “The people that wear St. John just didn’t relate to her.”
Angie had these words of wisdom for us lesser mortals:
Hollywood star Angelina Jolie called for the world to get its “priorities in order” Wednesday, saying that the amount of money spent in Iraq in just a few hours could educate thousands of children.
“To put things into perspective and maybe help to understand why we maybe need to adjust the way we’re doing things in the world, the conflict in Iraq has displaced over four million people,” Jolie told reporters in New York.
She said an appeal by UNICEF, the UN’s fund for children, and the UN High Commissioner for Refugees to address the educational needs of many of those children was dwarfed by the cost of US military spending in Iraq.
“The entire appeal equals about eight hours of current spending in Iraq. So just a few hours would send 150,000 children to school,” she said.
“Nothing wins more hearts and minds and nothing gives more freedom than education and nothing is a better deterrent for conflict than an educated child,” she added, urging the world to get its “priorities in order.”
Jolie, who as well as being an Oscar-winning actress is a UN goodwill ambassador, was unveiling an almost 150-million-dollar programme to help educate one million children in conflict, refugee and emergency situations.
She also said that the cost of just 8 hours of the war in Iraq could provide education for 150,000 children. Well, Angie baby, 12 hours of the war could probably buy you another one of those cute little outfits you love to parade around in for the papparazzi.
The fact is, the war is protecting millions of children, more than you ever will with all your preening self-aggrandizement. The war effort is building more schools, colleges, and nurseries than you and all your Hollywood asshole buddies will in the sum of 100 years of Hollywood limousine starlets delivered to charity balls to drink champagne and nibble brie. Its paved more roads, dug more wells for fresh water, repaired more electrical grids and oil facilities which generate revenue so the Iraqis can support themselves, than you can even conceive in that tiny little melon of yours.
Why does anyone care what some dim-witted, ignorant, mediocre actress has to say? Simple, because she is a celebrity, and anything she does gets covered, from getting a mocha latte half-caf to buying shoes to saving the fucking world.
Our consolation is that, once she’s hit 30, we’ll never hear from her again. Her ginormous lips and pouting breasts make headlines now, but age has a way of negating the political power of political dilettante celebutards. Anyone remember Jane Fonda, other than with amusement and disdain? When was the last time you heard about her political leanings? I’d bet they haven’t changed much.
But our interest has, because she’s A. no longer a big star and 2. because she is not one of the beautiful people. Pretty young starlets are interesting because they are young and pretty. No one actually gives a shit what they actually say. They are all pretty much default leftist pacifists, unless you are talking about bodyguards and security gates for their compounds. Then they are pretty militant.tits tits tits tits tits tits tits
More of what Angie does best:
