Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different
Scene 09: Camp Square-bashing
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(Eight soldiers in two ranks of four, They halt, and start to chant with precision.)
Soldiers: My goodness me, I am in a bad temper today all right, two, three, damn, damn, two, three, I am vexed and ratty.
(shake fists)
Two, three, and hopping mad.
(stamp feet)
(Cut to interviewer.)
Interviewer: And next the men of the Second Armoured Division regale us with their famous close order swanning about.
(Cut to sergeant with eight soldiers.)
Sergeant: Squad. Camp it … up!
Soldiers: (mincing in unison) Oooh get her! Whoops! I’ve got your number ducky. You couldn’t afford me, dear. Two three. I’d scratch your eyes out. Don’t come the brigadier bit with us, dear, we all know where you’ve been, you military fairy. Whoops, don’t look now girls the major’s just minced in with that dolly colour sergeant, two, three, ooh-ho!
Colonel: Right! Stop that. Silly. And a bit suspect, I think. Time for a cartoon.
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Female Voice Over: Once upon a time there was an enchanted prince who ruled the land beyond the wobbles.
(Shows a prince on all fours bouncing through multicolored rocks)
F. VO: One day he discovered a spot on his face. Foolishly he ignored it. And 3 years later he died of cancer. The spot however flourished, and soon set out to seek it’s fortune.
Man Selling Summat: Blah, blah, blah…
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(Spot jumps on his face)
Teddy Roosevelt: Whahahahahahahahha, whahahahahahaha!
(spot jumps on his face and he falls down)
Man: Blah, blah, blah…
(spot bounces off man selling and goes to the park.)
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Sign – “a nice spot for a picnic, don’t you think?”
(Sees female spot, kisses her and gets married. Show both move into an apartment)
Old Lady1: Agnes, did you just see who moved in next door?
Agnes: Yes, black as the ace of spades, they were.
Old Lady1: Oh well. There goes the neighborhood.
Agnes: Oh yes.
(Show all buildings crash to the ground except one. The bits are swept away past a set of stairs.)