Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 20 : Tim the Enchanter
[King Arthur music]
[clop clop clop]
KNIGHTS: Eh. Oh. See it? Oh. Oh.
ARTHUR: Knights! Forward!
[boom boom boom]
[boom boom boom boom]
What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?
TIM THE ENCHANTER: I… am an enchanter.
ARTHUR: By what name are you known?
TIM: There are some who call me… ‘Tim’?
ARTHUR: Greetings, Tim the Enchanter.
TIM: Greetings, King Arthur!
ARTHUR: You know my name?
TIM: I do.
You seek the Holy Grail!
ARTHUR: That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Tim.
[clap clap clap]
ARTHUR: Yes, we’re– we’re looking for the Holy Grail. Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.
KNIGHTS: Yeah. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Yup. Yup. Hm. Mm.
ARTHUR: And so, we’re– we’re– we’re looking for it.
BEDEVERE: Yes, we are.
ROBIN: We are. We are.
BEDEVERE: We have been for some time.
ARTHUR: Uh– uh, so, uh, anything that you could do to, uh– to help… would be… very… helpful.
GALAHAD: Look, can you tell us where–
ARTHUR: Fine. Um, I don’t want to waste any more of your time, but, uh, I don’t suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, um– find a, uh– a, um– a, uh–
TIM: A what…?
ARTHUR: A g– a– a g– a g– a– a g–
TIM: A grail?!
ARTHUR: Yes. I think so.
ROBIN: Y– y– yes.
KNIGHTS: That’s it…
ARTHUR: Oh. Thank you.
GALAHAD: Oh. Fine.
ARTHUR: Thank you.
[boom pweeng boom boom]
ARTHUR: Look, um, you’re a busy man, uh–
TIM: Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail.
KNIGHTS: Oh, thank you. Oh…
TIM: To the north there lies a cave– the cave of Caerbannog– wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged…
…make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail.
ARTHUR: Where could we find this cave, O Tim?
TIM: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
ARTHUR: What an eccentric performance.