docweasel.com
still an outlaw in their eyes

site menu

docweasel.com
blog
comics
games
monty python
contact

mplob 12 Pontius Pilate

  1. monty python
  2. mp movies
  3. mp life of brian
  4. mplob 12 Pontius Pilate

Monty Python’s Life of Brian


Scene 12: Pontius Pilate

[trumpets]

PONTIUS PILATE: …Make one large living awea. Ahh.

CENTURION: Hail Caesar.

PILATE: Hail.

CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.

PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.

CENTURION: What, sir?

PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.

CENTURION: Ah [whump]

BRIAN: Aagh!

PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?

BRIAN: ‘Brian’, sir.

PILATE: ‘Bwian’, eh?

BRIAN: No, no. ‘Brian’.
[slap]
Aah!

PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.

CENTURION: Has what, sir?

PILATE: Spiwit.

CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.

PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.

CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.

PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.

BRIAN: To what, sir?

PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]

BRIAN: Aaah!

CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?

PILATE: What?

CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?

PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.

BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]

PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.

BRIAN: I’m not Jewish. I’m a Roman.

PILATE: A Woman?

BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!

PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?

BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.

PILATE: Weally? What was his name?

BRIAN: ‘Nortius Maximus’.

CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!

PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

CENTURION: Well, no, sir.

PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it’s a joke, sir,… like, uh, ‘Sillius Soddus’ or… ‘Biggus Dickus’, sir.

GUARD #4: [chuckling]

PILATE: What’s so… funny about ‘Biggus Dickus’?

CENTURION: Well, it’s a joke name, sir.

PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus’.

GUARD #4: [chuckling]

PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.

PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.

GUARD #4: [chuckling]

PILATE: Wight! Take him away!

CENTURION: Oh, sir, he– he only–

PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.

CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.

GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo…

PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little… giggle… when I mention my fwiend… Biggus…

GUARD #1: [chuckling]

PILATE: …Dickus?

GUARD #1: [chuckling]

PILATE: What about you? Do you find it… wisible… when I say the name… ‘Biggus’…

GUARD #3: [chuckle]

PILATE: …’Dickus’?

GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]

PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she’s called? She’s called… ‘Incontinentia’. ‘Incontinentia Buttocks’.

GUARDS: [laughing]

PILATE: Stop! What is all this?

GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha…

PILATE: I’ve had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You’re not– Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

< PREVIOUSNEXT >

site

docweasel.com
blog
comics
sitemap
contact

categories

art
articles
docweasel
gaming
media

games

games
doom & doom][
stronghold
gaming

monty python

monty python
mpfc albums
mp movies
mpfc tv series
2023 docweasel.com. contact us with comments, complaints or suggestions email docweasel.com | join the discussion or bitch and rant at will at DWF forum

mp life of brian

mp life of brian
mplob opening credits
mplob scenes
mplob cast
mplob end credits
mplob media
mp life of brian album

mp movies

mpfc movies
mp anfscd
mp holy grail
mp life of brian
mp meaning life
mp live hollywood
mpfc soundtracks

category

blog
art
photos
articles
eros
fiction
humor
opinion
politics
dw website
gaming
movies
movie interviews
movie mini-reviews
movie reviews
movie news
music
chords & tabs
live reviews
metal
music news
music reviews
music video
teevee