Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
Scene 5 : Last Supper
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Servant Graham Chapman
Pope John Cleese
Michelangelo Eric Idle
Renaissance Choir [sings Gregorian Chant]
Servant A Michelangelo to see you, your Holiness.
Pope Who?
Servant Michelangelo, the famous renaissance artist whose best known works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated statue of David.
Pope Ah. Very well…
Servant In 1514 he returned to Florence and de…
Pope All right, that’s enough, that’s enough, they’ve got it now!
Servant Oh.
Michelangelo Good evening, your Holiness.
Pope Evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours, “The Last Supper.”
Michelangelo Oh, yeah?
Pope I’m not happy about it.
Michelangelo Oh, dear. It took me hours.
Pope Not happy at all.
Michelangelo Is it the jello you don’t like?
Pope No.
Michelangelo Ah, no, I know, they do have a bit of colour, don’t they? Oh, I know, you don’t like the kangaroo?
Pope What kangaroo?
Michelangelo No problem, I’ll paint him out.
Pope I never saw a kangaroo!
Michelangelo Uuh…he’s right in the back. I’ll paint him out! No sweat, I’ll make him into a disciple.
Pope Aah.
Michelangelo All right?
Pope That’s the problem.
Michelangelo What is?
Pope The disciples.
Michelangelo Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope No, it’s just that there are twenty-eight of them.
Michelangelo Oh, well, another one will never matter, I’ll make the kangaroo into another one.
Pope No, that’s not the point.
Michelangelo All right. Well, I’ll lose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn’t perfectly happy with it.
Pope That’s not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!
Michelangelo Too many?
Pope Well, of course it’s too many!
Michelangelo Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out, you know?
Pope There were only twelve disciples at the last supper.
Michelangelo Well, maybe some of the others came along afterw…
Pope There were only twelve altogether.
Michelangelo Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you know?
Pope Look! There were just twelve disciples and our Lord at the last supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michelangelo No friends?
Pope No friends.
Michelangelo Waiters?
Pope No.
Michelangelo Cabaret?
Pope No!
Michelangelo You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene, I could lose a few, you know I could…
Pope Look! There were only twelve disciples at…
Michelangelo I’ve got it! I’ve got it! We’ll call it “The Last But One Supper”!
Pope What?
Michelangelo Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the “Penultimate Supper”! The Bible doesn’t say how many people were there, does it?
Pope No, but…
Michelangelo Well there you are, then!
Pope Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples and one Christ!
Michelangelo One?!
Pope Yes one! Now will you please tell me what in God’s name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michelangelo It works, mate!
Pope Works?
Michelangelo Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.
Pope There was only one Redeemer!
Michelangelo Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?
Pope A one Messiah is what I want!
Michelangelo I’ll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That’s you want. Not a bloody creative artist to crease you up…
Pope I’ll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch, or you don’t get paid!
Michelangelo Bloody fascist!
Pope Look! I’m the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!