Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
Scene 10 : Part Four: Middle Age
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ANNOUNCER: Middle Age.
FISH #6: Oh. Could’ve guessed it.
MR. MARVIN HENDY: Oh, that’s much better. Thank you, honey.
MRS. HENDY: You’re welcome.
MR. HENDY: Mmmm. It was all sort of misty before.
MRS. HENDY: M-hmm.
MR. HENDY: That’s fine.
M’LADY JOELINE: Hi! How are you?
MR. HENDY: Oh, we’re just fine!
JOELINE: What kind of food ‘d you like to eat this evening?
MR. HENDY: Well, we sort of like pineapples.
JOELINE: Pineapple. Mmm.
MRS. HENDY: Yeah, we love pineapple.
JOELINE: Mmm.
MR. HENDY: Yeah, anything with pineapple in it is great for us.
JOELINE: Mm. Well, how about the Dungeon Room?
MRS. HENDY: Oh, look.
MR. HENDY: Ohh, that sounds fine!
JOELINE: Sure is. It’s real Hawaiian food served in an authentic, medieval English dungeon atmosphere.
MR. HENDY: Ohh?
MRS. HENDY: It’s–
[ssssss]
PRISONER: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
[Hawaiian music– ‘Aloha Oe’]
Aah. Ah. Aah. Aaaaah. Aaaaaah!
MR. HENDY: Hmm m mm mm mmmm mm mm mmmm. Isn’t this nice? Ha hah. Why not? Good shot. Real Kodak. Oh! Thank you. Thank you very much. Hm mm mmmm. Dah dah…
PRISONER: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
MR. HENDY: …dah dah dah dah daah. Daah.
MRS. HENDY: Hm.
MR. HENDY: Huhh huh mm. Mmm.
MRS. HENDY: Hmm hmm.
MR. HENDY: H-mmm.
MRS. HENDY: Hmm.
MR. HENDY: Mmm.
WAITER: Good evening! Uhh, would you care for something to… talk about?
MR. HENDY: Oh, that would be wonderful.
WAITER: Our special tonight is minorities!
MR. HENDY: Ohh, that sounds real interesting.
MRS. HENDY: Um, what’s this conversation here?
WAITER: Uh, that’s, uh, ‘football’. There you can talk about the Steelers-Bears game this Saturday, or you could, uh, reminisce about really great World Series.
MRS. HENDY: No, no, no, no.
MR. HENDY: What is this one here?
WAITER: Uhh, that’s ‘philosophy’.
MRS. HENDY: Is that a sport?
WAITER: Aah, no, it’s more of an attempt to, uh, construct a viable hypothesis to, uh, explain the meaning of life.
FISH #3: What was that?
FISH #5: What’s he say?
FISH #4: What was that?!
FISH #2: Shush.
FISH #5: Eh?
MR. HENDY: Oh, that sounds wonderful. Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?
MRS. HENDY: Sure. Why not?
WAITER: Philosophy for two?
MR. HENDY: Right.
WAITER: Room?
MR. HENDY: Two-five-nine.
WAITER: Two-five-nine.
MR. HENDY: Yup. Uhh,– uh, h– how do we–
WAITER: Oh, uhh, you folks want me to start you off?
MR. HENDY: Oh, really, we’d appreciate that.
WAITER: Okay!
MR. HENDY: Yeah.
WAITER: Well, ehh,…
MR. HENDY: Mhmm.
WAITER: …look. Have you ever wondered… just why you’re here?
MR. HENDY: Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before that, and we’ve–
WAITER: No, no, no. I mean, uh, w– why we’re here… on this planet.
MR. HENDY: Hmmm. No.
WAITER: Right! Aaah, you ever wanted to know what it’s all about?
MR. HENDY: Nope.
MRS. HENDY: No. No.
WAITER: Right-o! Aah, well, uh, see, throughout history,…
MR. HENDY: M-hmm.
WAITER: …there have been certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence,…
MRS. HENDY: G-reat.
WAITER: …and we call these guys ‘philosophers’!
MR. HENDY: Ohh.
MRS. HENDY: And that’s what we’re talking about.
WAITER: Right!
MR. HENDY: Yeah.
MRS. HENDY: Ohh, that’s neat!
WAITER: Well, you look like you’re getting the idea, so why don’t I give you these, uh, conversation cards? They’ll tell you a little about philosophical method,…
MR. HENDY: Oh.
WAITER: …names of famous philosophers,– Uh, there you are. Uhh, have a nice conversation!
MR. HENDY: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
MRS. HENDY: He’s cute.
MR. HENDY: Yeah, real–
MRS. HENDY: Yeah.
MR. HENDY: Real understanding. Mmm.
MRS. HENDY: Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher!
MR. HENDY: Oh, yeah! He’s the one that begins with an ‘S’.
MRS. HENDY: Oh.
MR. HENDY: Umm, like, uh, ‘Nietzsche’.
MRS. HENDY: Does ‘Nietzsche’ begin with an ‘S’?
MR. HENDY: Uh, there’s an ‘s’ in ‘Nietzsche’.
MRS. HENDY: Oh, wow. Yes, there is. Do all philosophers have an ‘s’ in them?
MR. HENDY: Uh, yeah! I think most of ’em do.
MRS. HENDY: Oh. Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?
MR. HENDY: Yeah! Right! She could be! She sings about the meaning of life.
MRS. HENDY: Yeah. That’s right, but I don’t think she writes her own material.
MR. HENDY: No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.
MRS. HENDY: No. Burt Bacharach writes it.
MR. HENDY: But there’s no ‘s’ in ‘Burt Bacharach’.
MRS. HENDY: Or in ‘Hal David’.
MR. HENDY: Who’s Hal David?
MRS. HENDY: He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes, only now, he’s married to Carole Bayer Sager.
MR. HENDY: Oh, waiter. This conversation isn’t very good.
WAITER: Oh, I’m sorry, sir! Uhh, we do have one today that’s not on the menu. It’s sort of a specialty of the house, you know.
MR. HENDY: Oh, yes.
WAITER: ‘Live Organ Transplants’.
MRS. HENDY: ‘Live Organ Transplants’? What’s that?