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Series 4, Episode 43: Boxing Match Aftermath
The cast:
MR GABRIELLOMichael Palin
FIRST ASSISTANT(?)
SECOND ASSISTANTEric Idle
BLACK MANTerry Gilliam
FIRST REPORTERTerry Jones
SECOND REPORTERCarol Cleveland
The sketch:Animation: Ends with a poster `Boxing Tonite! The Killer vs. The Champ. 15 Rounds’.
Cut to a dressing room at Madison Square Gardens, table, chairs, towels, and the usual paraphernalia. Noise of a crowd outside. The door opens and in comes Mr Gabriello, and two assistants carrying a boxer on a stretcher. Smoke, action, excitement come in with them.
Mr Gabriello That was a great fight, Champ, a great fight, you hear! Oh boy, what a fight, Champ, what a great fight! You nearly had him, Champ, you nearly had him… where’s his head?
First Assistant I got it in here, Mr Gabriello.
He holds up a carrier bag. Gabriello goes over to it, looks inside and
shouts into it.
Mr Gabriello You were great, Champ, d’you hear, you were great!
First Assistant (looking in the bag) He’s got a nasty cut over his eye.
Mr Gabriello Yeah, I think it was a mistake him wearing spectacles. (gives the bag to the assistant) Oh well, get that sewn onto his body in time for the press pictures.
First Assistant OK, Mr Gabriello.
Mr Gabriello (to second assistant) Wasn’t he great my boy?
Second Assistant He was great, Mr Gabriello.
Mr Gabriello The way he kept fighting after his head came off!
Second Assistant He was better when the head came off, Mr Gabriello. He was really dodging
the guy.
Mr Gabriello Yeah, I reckon that if he could’ve lasted till the end of that first
minute, he would’ve had the Killer worried.
Second Assistant Sure, Mr Gabriello.
Mr Gabriello Oh he was great. Did you see his left arm?
Second Assistant No!
Mr Gabriello OK, we’ll look around the hall after everybody’s gone.
Second Assistant Do you realize Mr Gabriello, some of those guys out there paid over $2,000
for a ringside seat.
Mr Gabriello And where did the head land? Right at the back, that’s justice… (the
door opens; a black cleaner comes in) What d’you want?
The cleaner holds up a carrier bag.
Black Man This your boy’s head?
Mr Gabriello No, no, we’ve got his head. He ain’t hurt that bad.
Second Assistant (looking in the bag) Hey, that’s Gerry Marinello. He fought the
Killer last week.
Mr Gabriello OK, give it to me. I’m seeing his trainer tomorrow. I’ll give it to him.
The cleaner is ushered out.
Second Assistant Hey, Mr Gabriello. The press is still outside. Are you ready for them?
Mr Gabriello How’s the Champ?
First Assistant (working away with needle and thread) Well, the head’s on OK. But
there’s still a left arm missing.
Mr Gabriello OK, well keep the dressing gown kinda loose, OK. (Gabriello goes to door and opens it) OK boys, come on in!
The press surge in. The fighter is propped up.
First Reporter Hey Mr Gabriello, Mr Gabriello. Did you expect your boy to last the full twenty-eight seconds?
Mr Gabriello This boy has never let me down. He’s the pluckiest goddamn fighter I’ve
ever trained.
Second Reporter Were you worried when his head started to come loose?
Mr Gabriello No, no, we were expecting that. I told them to expect it to and it did. He
ain’t stupid.
First Reporter Hey, can we have a word with the Champ?
Mr Gabriello Yeah OK. But keep the questions simple.
First Reporter Hey Champ! How’re you feeling?
Mr Gabriello (angrily) I said keep the questions simple!
Second Reporter Mr Gabriello. People are saying that the kid ought to be buried. His
head’s come off in the last six fights.
Mr Gabriello There’s no question of burying the kid. He’s just reaching the top.
Second Reporter Well, shouldn’t he just stay in hospital?
Mr Gabriello No, he ain’t going to no hospital. He’s got the return fight next week.
Shot of the `New York Times’ headline `Champ to be kept alive for big
return’.