Series 3, Episode 29: Inspector Flying Fox
INSPECTOR FOX Graham Chapman
MAN Michael Palin
SPREADERS Terry Jones
INSPECTOR GAZELLE Eric Idle
POLICEMAN John Cleese
(This sketch continues from – Hitting on the Head Lessons. We see Detective Inspector Fox enter the room.)
Inspector Fox: Right. Hold it there.
Man and Spreaders: What?
Inspector Fox: Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad.
Man and Spreaders: Flying Fox of the Yard.
Inspector Fox: Shut up! (he hits the man with a truncheon)
Spreaders: No, no, no – Waagh!
Inspector Fox: And you. (he hits Spreaders)
Inspector Fox: He’s good! You could learn a thing or two from him. Right now you two me old beauties, you are nicked.
Man: What for?
Inspector Fox: I’m charging you two under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act.
Man: The what?
Inspector Fox: You are hereby charged that you did wilfully take part in a strange sketch, that is, a sketch, spoof or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public. (to camera) Evening all.
Spreaders: It’s a fair cop.
Inspector Fox: And you tosh. (hits the man)
Inspector Fox: That’s excellent! Right, come on down the Yard.
(Another inspector arrives.)
Inspector Gazelle: Hold it. Hold it. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Inspector Thompson’s Gazelle of the Programme Planning Police, Light Entertainment Division, Special Flying Squad.
Inspector Fox: Flying Thompson’s Gazelle of the Yard!
Inspector Gazelle: Shut up! (he hits him)
Inspector Fox: Waaaagh!
Spreaders: He’s good.
Inspector Gazelle: Shut up! (hits Spreaders)
Man: Rotten. (he gets hit) WAAAGH!
Inspector: Good. Now I’m ‘arrestin’ this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behaviour contrary to the ‘Not in front of the children’ Act, two, always saying ‘It’s so and so of the Yard’ every time the fuzz arrives and, three, and this is the cruncher, offences against the ‘Getting out of sketches without using a proper punchline’ Act, four, namely, simply ending every bleedin’ sketch by just having a policeman come in and… wait a minute.
(Another policeman enters.)
Policeman: Hold it. (puts his hand on Inspector Thompson’s Gazelle’s shoulder)
Inspector: It’s a fair cop.
(A large hairy hand appears through the door and claps him on the shoulder.)
CAPTION: ‘THE END’
(Cut to BBC world symbol.)