So John Edwards is a very very good looking man, and he knows it and uses it, and that’s ok.
So John Edwards is a very very good looking man, and he knows it and uses it. Is there really anything wrong with that? And why can’t Republicans handle a strong, smart, cute candidate like Edwards? Why does that threaten them? Perhaps this story sheds some light on this subject.
We first encountered John Edwards doing a deep analysis article during the 2004 U.S. Presidential campaign, and we’ve loved the guy ever since. He’s a rich source of humor and his demagogic, hypocritical and insincere manner have won over an astounding 12% of likely hard leftist, moonbat Democrat primary voters.
Keeping in line with their increasing relevance and influence in the Democrat Party, the leftwingnuts consistently rank him as their top choice in 2008 by nearly 120 percentage points, and rising. They’ve contributed so much cash to Edwards campaign the didn’t need federal matching funds (at first).
Conversely, Hilary! is barely polling single digits in Kos and MyDD straw polls, which, considering the enormous power wielded by the nutroots, pretty much leaves her campaign dead in the water.
The only question is when, not if, she withdraws and starts angling for a post in the 2009 Edwards Admin. Perhaps the first ever lady Democrat to run for vice-president, without a convict for a husband?
Oh wait. Well ok, first from Arkansas, Chicago and New York.
Well, not New York. But anyway, moving on. (She would surely keep up the tradition of “lady Democrats from New York with convicted husbands running for vice-president” of wearing hips enhancing pants-suits that flatter them so much in the buttocks region, just another arrow in her political skillz quiver).
IMAO has been running “fabulous facts” about John Edwards. Well, I interviewed an “inside, anonymous” source with unimpeachable credentials (really, that’s a double negative, let’s just say his credentials were “peachable”) and he told me a few disturbing facts about Edwards that are rarely spoken about in political circles, or anywhere else for that matter.
Harvey (the commentator, not the white rabbit) reveals:
Willie Nelson’s heroes have always been cowboys; John Edwards’ heroes have always been Care Bears.
Well, my source says that’s wrong. Really wrong. 360 degrees wrong.
Edwards supporter at the launch of Edwards campaign jet The Little Silky Pony Express
He claims Edwards’ heroes have always been My Little Ponies, something to which he pays tribute in his own adopted moniker, The Silky Pony, as well as the name of his campaign jet, “The Little Silky Pony Express”.
However, there’s much, much more to this tale.
Yes, its more than true that John Peachcroft Edwards admires the sincerity and silky, pastel pink manes of “My Little Pony”s. However, John Edwards, the very successful, rich trial lawyer with brain-numbing good looks and great hair acknowledges one important fact: his most influential hero has been himself.
And not just because he’s a one-term U.S. Senator from one of the Carolinas who could easily have gotten the Democrat nomination for Senator again if he had wanted it, he had just already accomplished everything he had set out to do as a senator (position himself for a veep slot) and was ready to move on. No, it was another profile in courage that convinced John P. Edwards he was quite a man, and the best person in America, and therefore the best qualified to be president.
It was the fact he could use his dead son without shame or embarrassment in his campaign that finally tipped the balance in his favor. Such a lack of shame had stood Bill “Clenis” Clinton in good stead during his presidency, and Edwards saw it as an essential trait for any Dem who might con his way into office in the 21st century.
How did this lack of shame, as well as putting his own personal lusts ahead of his family and common decency so essential to a winning Democrat candidate manifest itself? According to my source, John Edwards told him a story he’d “never told anyone else” in 2004, in the run-up to the election:
that after his son Wade had been killed, he climbed onto the slab at the funeral home, laid there and hugged his body, and promised that he’d do all he could to make life better for people, to live up to Wade’s ideals of service.
[my source] was stunned, not moved, because, as he told me later, Edwards had recounted the exact story to him, almost in the exact same words, a year or two before–and with the same preface, that he’d never shared the memory with anyone else.
Through research, I was stunned and disappointed to find out Edwards had in fact told the same story to John Kerry. Twicet. However Edwards left out crucial facts in the story, which my source was almost too happy to fill in:
John said he laid on the slab holding his son for a long time, just holding him. Then he began looking his son in the eyes, and then kissed his son, tenderly, on the forehead. He then blinked little butterfly kisses down the cadaver’s face and finally settled on his lips, forcing his tongue into his son’s mouth, kissing him deeply. He then put little monkey-bites down his son’s chest and began fellating him, slowly at first, then with a manly vigor.
Despite his son’s resistance, he later engaged in intercourse with his son, several times. Edwards ended up staying the night, waking up an unknown number of times aroused, and indulged in sloppy seconds, thirds and perhaps fourths, although he might have dreamed the last two (John was not known as a “repeat performer”, according to his deranged and cancer ravaged wife, Tipper). He then woke with a “morning wood” piss boner and got to work with one more quick one before telling his son he’d “be back later”, then leaving. But of course, as we know now, he never did.
Edwards claimed he revisited the mortuary many times in the months after that, after getting a guard there to regularly “grant him a few minutes” with various recently deceased persons, mostly young boys with long eyelashes, so he could “pay his respects”. The guard reports Edwards would often stay until dawn, and would leave, a cigarette perched between his lips, “languidly drawing smoke and swaggering” out of the morgue, very satisfied and casual, but a bit stiff-legged, “as if his prostate was sore”, according to the one such lurid report.
Big tits blonde, in happier times
I had to tell my source he was taking the joke waaaay over the line, over the top, past the boundries of not only propriety and proper human decency, and in fact past out of the ballpark to the parking lot, where the exercise was even remotely funny, but he persisted in telling me and I felt obliged to listen, although I felt no satisfaction in doing so.
I would have severely chastised him and stopped laughing, but instead consoled myself by lying down on the couch and calling for someone to bring me a beer while we watched reality teevee, the one about the wannabe chefs. Some of that food really looks disgusting, do people actually eat that stuff?
Then we watched this show about how Americans are really lazy, and it sucked in a bad, non-ironically funny way, but I didn’t feel like getting up to get the remote, so we watched it all the way through.
Anyway, back to the subject, I think John Edwards is not an entirely honest nor decent person, and his behavior was “suspect” in the case of humping dead bodies, but I have to admit, there was this 21 year old one blond murder victim with big tits…
Oh forget it. Just forget I said that. In fact, forget this entire post. Its not funny and its not funny. Just move on, I’m deleting this tomorrow.
big tits small tits tiny tits tits and beer tits in a handbag, tits tits tits tits tits tits.