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REPOST FROM DOCWEASEL 2003 (One of our first features)
Miami, FL–A consortium of Toon Girlz, Hentai Chicks and XXXComiX Babes have filed a class action suit against their animators, seeking damages for a host of problems incurred due to the huge breasts they have been drawn with.
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MONIKER-mad Russell Ash has trawled mountains of official records to find the world’s most comical names – and found thousands of rib ticklers including Ima Gay, Ada Poo and Fanny E C Lay.
Potty parents nationwide must have either been bonkers or just plain cruel according to his findings.
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Six months ago, I got my drivers license suspended due to a 12-point violation. Now I want to make it very clear that I rarely speed. And when I do speed, I never go more than 10 miles over the speed limit. I have gotten busted for going as low as 6 miles over the speed limit and I once even got a ticket for going 4 miles under the speed limit. My problem isn’t blatant disrespect for the law. My problem is my unwillingness to blow some fat balding pig in a uniform.
So, like I said before, I suffered a six month suspension and my insurance skyrocketed. Obviously, it would have been impossible for me to hold a job without transportation, so I had to spend a ridicules amount of money on some piece of shit lawyer to get me work driving privileges.
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Or TV Jesus, as it appears he has on a hoopskirt.
Someone sent me this with other inspirational pics in one of those stupid fwd: all mails, apparently unironicly.
Out front is the Native American version of the Virgin Mary, or Gestates with Hymen, as she is known in their culture.
We’re still working on it, tune in later for a better joke
Californians always think the rest of the country considers them the coolest, hippest, trendiest fucks on the planet, and that we all wish we lived there too and had such super cool lives and mingle with the celebutards and the Z-listers and skanks and druggies and no talent hacks and showbiz phonies and hangers on and gofers and Raiders fans and stalkers and maniacs and addicts and critics and other assorted assholes.
It’s with this spirit that the first lady of California backs Obama, in a show of non-solidarity with her husband, basically calling him out as a fucking dickwad idiot jerk-faced prick with ears for backing McCain, the sensible candidate.
The Hollywood establishment to which she belongs is creaming their collective panties in jungle fever for the minority candidate they can all support to assuage their liberal guilt and swim in the glory of how tolerant and past racism they all are – unless it’s a black Republican like Clarence “Uncle Tom” Thomas, or Condi “Aunt Jemima” Rice or Colin “House N1gger” Powell or Michael “Simple Sambo” Steele. In that case it’s ok to be a hateful racist motherfucker because race traitors to the Democrat party masters cannot be tolerated.
…calling themselves scientists scam fed money for their bullshit "studies" and dumbass reporters use it for "funny headlines"
Jawa Report posts about a “humorous” study that supposedly proves showing men photos of blondes makes them stupider, at least in a short term quiz taken right after looking at the pictures of blondes, rather than brunettes or redheads.
I hate these bastard “scientists” so much I hope they fucking die. This is yet another example of a blatant rip-off of grant money used for bullshit studies. I bet these con artists enjoy a good laugh when they cash the check.
Its been a heady 24 hours, with visions of luscious lipstick lesbians and a mannish presidential candidate who probably wears less make-up than John Edwards, who’s butcher than Joe Biden and bigger testicles than Dennis Kuchinich (that’s not saying much, I realize) but hold your strap-ons ladies, this fantasy is over.
Mister Buzzkill is here to debunk all our sapphic speculations.
Patterico consults a buddy from the LAT, editor Matt Welch, a super-plugged in super-editor who knows all the beautiful people, is privy to all the insider insideness, and he is here to school us all how hysterically wrong everyone yakkin’ about a sex scandal is. Let’s forget for a second that the LAT record on reporting sex scandals is not very good, and see what he has to say:
Britney Spears’ downward spiral took another devastating turn Monday when the pop princess was ordered to give up custody of her vagina by a judge who had cited her drug-and-alcohol-fueled lifestyle and her hillbilly upbringing as the root causes for her “near total lack of propriety and decency regarding her pee-hole”.
Superior Court Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled that that ex-husband Kevin Federline would take Spears’ 26 year old catcher’s mitt, beginning Wednesday “until further order of the court.”
Date:
14 Aug 2007 11:55 AM
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