Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different
Scene 12 : Commercials
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(dirty looking man walking the sidewalk “flashes” three women. sees camera and “flashes”, showing that he is fully clothed, but has on a sign saying “boo”)
(Show an animated woman pass out. She wakes up and starts typing on a typewriter. After a while the room fills up with little yellow men…)
Announcer: And so Miss Spume returned to her typing and dreamed her little dreamy-dreams, unaware of the cruel trick fate had in store for her. For Miss Spume was about to fall victim of the dreaded international Chinese communist conspiracy.
(Show a Chinese man come in.)
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Yes, these fanatical fiends under the leadership of the so called Mao Tse-tung, had caught Miss Spume off guard for one brief but fatal moment…
Spume: Oh, help!
(Woman dies.)
Announcer: …and destroyed her. Just as they are ready to go anytime free men anywhere waver in their defense of democracy.
(Now show an American ship kill Chinese man. Star spangled banner plays.)
Uncle Sam: Yes, once again American defense proves its effectiveness against international communism. Using this diagram of a tooth to represent any small country, we can see how international communism works by eroding away from within.
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(tooth collapses.)
When one country or tooth falls victim to international communism, its neighbor soon follow.
(all the teeth fall.)
In dentistry, this is known as the domino theory. But with American defense the decay is stopped before it starts. That’s why nine out of ten small countries choose American defense.
Announcer: Or Crelm Toothpaste with the miracle ingredient, froigaline. The white car represents Crelm Toothpaste with the miracle ingredient, froigaline. The NOT white car represents another toothpaste. Yes, both cars provide 30% percent protection. At 60% protection both cars are doing well. and now at 90% protection… Wait! the not white car is out, and Crelm Toothpaste goes on to win with 100% protection! Yes, do like all smart motorists, choose Crelm Toothpaste.
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Announcer 2: Or Shrill Petrol with the new additive GLC9424075 (after 6 p.m. 9424047) using this white card to represent engine deposits, and this black card to represent Shrill’s new additive GLC9424075 (after 6 p.m. 9424047) we can see how the engine deposits are pushed off the face of the earth by the superior forces available to shrill…ah!
(a shot of a garbage can with a spot light on it.)
Police Voice: This is the police. We know you’re in there, so come out with your hands up.
Voice from Can: You’ll never take me alive copper!
PV: Oh, all right then. Sergeant!
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(16 tones dropped on can. Spotlight shown to be one from 20th century frog logo with motto “Ars Gratis Artis”. Frog croaks.)
Caption – Presents!
Caption and Voice Over – Conrad Poohs and his dancing teeth.
(Show man opening and closing his mouth (animated) and finally the teeth dance. Boos, and the curtain falls.)