docweasel.com
still an outlaw in their eyes

site menu

docweasel.com
blog
comics
games
monty python
contact

mplob 16 Brian the Prophet

  1. monty python
  2. mp movies
  3. mp life of brian
  4. mplob 16 Brian the Prophet

Monty Python’s Life of Brian


Scene 16: Brian the Prophet

BORING PROPHET: …The nephew or the donkey.

[whap]

Wha! Woooah!

[fwump]

[clap clap clap]

FALSE PROPHET: …And, a nine-bladed sword, which he shall strike…

BLOOD and THUNDER PROPHET: …Time when we all come together, and go…

PROPHET IN WHITE: …And holes for the…

PROPHET IN BLACK: …Jumbo jets…

PROPHET IN WHITE: …every bitch how you got germs from…

PROPHET IN BLACK: …fly up near the…

BRIAN: Don’t you, eh, pass judgment on other people, or you might get judged yourself.

COLIN: What?

BRIAN: I said, ‘Don’t pass judgment on other people, or else you might get judged, too.’

COLIN: Who, me?

BRIAN: Yes.

COLIN: Oh. Ooh. Thank you very much.

BRIAN: Well, not just you. All of you.

DENNIS: That’s a nice gourd.

BRIAN: What?

DENNIS: How much do you want for the gourd?

BRIAN: I don’t. You can have it.

DENNIS: Have it?

BRIAN: Yes. Consider the lilies…

DENNIS: Eh, d– d– don’t you want to haggle?

BRIAN: No. …in the field.

DENNIS: What’s wrong with it, then?

BRIAN: Nothing. Take it.

ELSIE: Consider the lilies?

BRIAN: Uh, well, the birds, then.

EDDIE: What birds?

BRIAN: Any birds.

EDDIE: Why?

BRIAN: Well, have they got jobs?

ARTHUR: Who?

BRIAN: The birds.

EDDIE: Have the birds got jobs?!

FRANK: What’s the matter with him?

ARTHUR: He says the birds are scrounging.

BRIAN: Oh, uhh, no, the point is the birds. They do all right. Don’t they?

FRANK: Well, good luck to ’em.

EDDIE: Yeah. They’re very pretty.

BRIAN: Okay, and you’re much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?

EDDIE: I’m worrying about what you have got against birds.

BRIAN: I haven’t got anything against the birds. Consider the lilies.

ARTHUR: He’s having a go at the flowers now.

EDDIE: Oh, give the flowers a chance.

DENNIS: I’ll give you one for it.

BRIAN: It’s yours.

DENNIS: Two, then.

BRIAN: Ohh. Look. There was this man, and he had two servants.

ARTHUR: What were they called?

BRIAN: What?

ARTHUR: What were their names?

BRIAN: I don’t know. And he gave them some talents.

EDDIE: You don’t know?!

BRIAN: Well, it doesn’t matter!

ARTHUR: He doesn’t know what they were called!

BRIAN: Oh, they were called ‘Simon’ and ‘Adrian’. Now–

ARTHUR: Oh! You said you didn’t know!

BRIAN: It really doesn’t matter. The point is there were these two servants–

ARTHUR: He’s making it up as he goes along.

BRIAN: No, I’m not! …And he gave them some ta– Wait a minute. Were there three?

ARTHUR: Ohh.

EDDIE: Oh, he’s terrible!

ARTHUR: He’s terrible.

BRIAN: There were three.

ARTHUR: Thpppt!

BRIAN: They were– they were st– stewards, really.

ELSIE: Aww, get off!

BRIAN: Ooh! Eh, uh, b– b– now– now hear this! Blessed are they…

DENNIS: Three.

BRIAN: …who convert their neighbour’s ox, for they shall inhibit their girth,…

MAN: Rubbish!

BRIAN: …and to them only shall be given– to them only… shall… be… given…

ELSIE: What?

BRIAN: Hmm?

ELSIE: Shall be given what?

BRIAN: Oh, nothing.

ELSIE: Hey! What were you going to say?

BRIAN: Nothing.

ARTHUR and FRANK: Yes, you were.

ELSIE: Yes. You were going to say something.

BRIAN: No, I wasn’t. I’d finished.

ELSIE: Oh, no you weren’t.

ARTHUR: Oh, come on. Tell us before you go.

BRIAN: I wasn’t going to say anything. I’d finished.

ELSIE: No, you hadn’t.

BLIND MAN: What won’t he tell?

EDDIE: He won’t say.

BLIND MAN: Is it a secret?

BRIAN: No.

BLIND MAN: Is it?

EDDIE: Must be. Otherwise, he’d tell us.

ARTHUR: Oh, tell us the secret.

BRIAN: Leave me alone.

YOUTH: What is this secret?

GIRL: Is it the secret of eternal life?

EDDIE: He won’t say!

ARTHUR: Well, of course not. If I knew the secret of eternal life, I wouldn’t say.

YOUTH: No.

BRIAN: Leave me alone.

GIRL: Just tell me, please.

ARTHUR: No. Tell us, Master. We were here first.

DENNIS: Five.

BRIAN: Ah!

GIRL: Just tell–

BRIAN: Go away!

GIRL: Tell us, Master.

DENNIS: I can’t go above five.

GIRL: Tell– Is that His gourd?

YOUTH: We’ve got this here.

DENNIS: Yeah, but it’s under offer.

GIRL: This is His gourd!

DENNIS: Ten!

GIRL: It is His gourd! We will carry it for you, Master! Master?

YOUTH: He’s gone! He’s been taken up!

GIRL: Hhhh!

FOLLOWERS: For He’s been taken up!

DENNIS: Eighteen!

ARTHUR: No, there He is. Over there.

FOLLOWERS: Oh, yeah. Master! Master!…

[FOLLOWERS chase BRIAN]

< PREVIOUSNEXT >

site

docweasel.com
blog
comics
sitemap
contact

categories

art
articles
docweasel
gaming
media

games

games
doom & doom][
stronghold
gaming

monty python

monty python
mpfc albums
mp movies
mpfc tv series
2023 docweasel.com. contact us with comments, complaints or suggestions email docweasel.com | join the discussion or bitch and rant at will at DWF forum

mp life of brian

mp life of brian
mplob opening credits
mplob scenes
mplob cast
mplob end credits
mplob media
mp life of brian album

mp movies

mpfc movies
mp anfscd
mp holy grail
mp life of brian
mp meaning life
mp live hollywood
mpfc soundtracks

category

blog
art
photos
articles
eros
fiction
humor
opinion
politics
dw website
gaming
movies
movie interviews
movie mini-reviews
movie reviews
movie news
music
chords & tabs
live reviews
metal
music news
music reviews
music video
teevee