Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Scene 23: Pilate’s Addwess
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[trumpets]
CROWD: [cheering]
PILATE: People of Jewusalem!
CROWD: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wome is your fwiend.
CROWD: [laughing]
PILATE: To pwove our fwiendship, it is customawy at this time to welease a wongdoer fwom our pwisons.
CROWD: [laughing]
GUARD #3: [chuckling]
PILATE: Whom would you have me welease?
BOB HOSKINS: Welease Woger!
CROWD: Yes! Welease Woger! Welease Woger! [laughing]
PILATE: Vewy well. I shall welease Woger!
CROWD: [cheering]
CENTURION: Sir, uh, we don’t have a ‘Woger’, sir.
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Uh, we don’t have anyone of that name, sir.
PILATE: Ah. We have no ‘Woger’!
CROWD: Ohhhhh!
BOB: Well, what about Wodewick, then?
CROWD: Yes! Welease Wodewick! Welease Wodewick!
PILATE: Centuwion, why do they titter so?
CENTURION: Just some, uh, Jewish joke, sir.
PILATE: Are they… wagging me?
CENTURION: Oh, no, sir!
GUARD #3: [chuckling]
PILATE: Vewy well. I shall welease… Wodewick!
CROWD: [laughing]
CENTURION: Sir, we don’t have a ‘Roderick’ either.
PILATE: No ‘Woger’? No ‘Wodewick’?
CENTURION: Sorry, sir.
PILATE: Who is this ‘Wod’–
GUARD #1: [chuckle]
PILATE: Who is the ‘Wodewick’ to whom you wefer?
BOB: He’s a wobber!
CROWD: [laughing]
MAN: And a wapist!
CROWD: [laughing]
WOMAN: And a pickpocket!
CROWD: Yeah! Ahh, no! No! Shh! Shh!…
PILATE: He sounds a notowious cwiminal.
CENTURION: We haven’t got him, sir. Mm hm.
PILATE: Do we have anyone in our pwisons at all?
CENTURION: Oh, yes, sir. We’ve got, uh, ‘Samson’, sir.
PILATE: Samson?
CENTURION: Samson the Sadducee Strangler, sir. Uh, Silus the Syrian Assassin. Uh, several seditious scribes from Caesarea. Uhhh, sixty-seven seers from–
BIGGUS: Let me thpeak to them, Pontiuth!
CENTURION: Oh, no. Oh.
PILATE: Ah. Good idea, Biggus.
BIGGUS: Thitizens! We have Thamthon the Thadduthee Thtrangler, Thilus…
CROWD: [laughing]
BIGGUS: …the Athyrian Athathin, theveral theditiouth thcribth from Thaetharea, and…