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mpfc 0701 Camel-Spotting

  1. monty python
  2. monty python’s flying circus tv
  3. mpfc season 1
  4. mpfc 0701 Camel-Spotting

Series 1, Episode 7: Camel-Spotting

The cast:
INTERVIEWER John Cleese
CAMEL SPOTTER Eric Idle
COUNT DRACULA Graham Chapman
GIRL Donna
LASHER Terry Jones
LASHEE Eric Idle

The sketch:
(In the country we an Interviewer, with microphone. Behind him a man sits on a wall, with clip-board, binoculars and spotting gear.)

Interviewer: Good evening. Tonight we’re going to take a hard tough abrasive look at
camel spotting. Hello.

Spotter: Hello Peter.

Interviewer: Now tell me, what exactly are you doing?

Spotter: Er well, I’m camel spotting. I’m spotting to see if there are any camels that I can
spot, and put them down in my camel spotting book.

Interviewer: Good. And how many camels have you spotted so far?

Spotter: Oh, well so far Peter, up to the present moment, I’ve spotted nearly, ooh, nearly
one.

Interviewer: Nearly one?

Spotter: Er, call it none.

Interviewer: Fine. And er how long have you been here?

Spotter: Three years.

Interviewer: So, in, er, three years you’ve spotted no camels?

Spotter: Yes in only three years. Er, I tell a lie, four, be fair, five. I’ve been camel spotting
for just the seven years. Before that of course I was a Yeti Spotter.

Interviewer: A Yeti Spotter, that must have been extremely interesting.

Spotter: Oh, it was extremely interesting, very, very – quite… it was dull; dull, dull, dull, oh God it was dull. Sitting in the Waterloo waiting room. Course once you’ve seen one Yeti you’ve seen them all.

Interviewer: And have you seen them all?

Spotter: Well I’ve seen one. Well a little one… a picture of a… I’ve heard about them.

Interviewer: Well, now tell me, what do you do when you spot a camel?

Spotter: Er, I take its number.

Interviewer: Camels don’t have numbers.

Spotter: Ah, well you’ve got to know where to look. Er, they’re on the side of the engine
above the piston box.

Interviewer: What?

Spotter: Ah – of course you’ve got to make sure it’s not a dromedary. ‘Cos if it’s a dromedary it goes in the dromedary book.

Interviewer: Well how do you tell if it’s a dromedary?

Spotter: Ah well, a dromedary has one hump and a camel has a refreshment car, buffet, and ticket collector.

Interviewer: Mr Sopwith, aren’t you in fact a train Spotter?

Spotter: What?

Interviewer: Don’t you in fact spot trains?

Spotter: Oh, you’re no fun anymore.
(ANIMATION: Then a girl in bed. Count Dracula enters. The girl reveals her neck. The vampire goes to kiss her but his fangs fall out.)

Girl: Oh, you’re no fun anymore.
(A man at the yardarm being lashed.)

Lasher:… thirty-nine… forty. All right, cut him down, Mr Fuller.

Lashee: Oh you’re no fun anymore.
(Back to camel spotter.)

Spotter: Now if anybody else pinches my phrase I’ll throw them under a camel.

Interviewer: (giggling) If you can spot one.
(Spotter gives him a dirty look. Knight in amour appears beside him. He hits interviewer with chicken.)

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