Another Monty Python Record
Another Monty Python Record (1971)
Skits from Season 2 of Monty Python’s Flying Circus TV series and several original sketchs. While the first LP had minimal input from the group, being simply audio tracks from Season 1 of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, the group took full control of the follow-up, which would be the first release of a six-album deal with Charisma Records in the UK. Most of the material is from the second series of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, with only a few newly written pieces. One track, “Stake Your Claim”, is an English language version of a sketch from the team’s first German episode.
Terry Jones and Michael Palin produced the album with innovative use of stereo and sound effects. According to Jones: “We had this horrendous time because we were recording in this rather hippy recording studio which fortunately I can’t remember the name of. … We were very keen to use the stereo and everything, but what we hadn’t realised was that the guy who was doing the recording, who I think was out of his head most of the time, had not been making any notes. We’d end up with tapes and tapes of material with no idea of where anything was on the tapes … That was a bitter experience.”
The bonus tracks are actually from the Monty Python’s Contractual Obligation Album sessions.
SIDE ONE
- 01 Apologies 2:00 Apologies
- 02 Spanish Inquisition 1 2:51 Spanish Inq 1
- 03 World Forum 4:00 World Forum
- 04 Gumby Theatre 3:00 Gumby Theatre
- 05 Architect 2:59 Architect
- 06 Spanish Inquisition 2 1:11 Spanish Inq 2
- 07 Piranha Brothers 9:50 Ethel the Frog
SIDE TWO
- 08 Death of Mary, Queen of Scots 2:34 Death of Mary, Queen of Scots
- 09 Penguin on the TV 2:00 Penguin
- 10 Comfy Chair 3:00 Spanish Inq 3
- 11 Sound Quiz :26 Sound
- 12 Be a Great Actor 3:01 Be a Great Actor
- 13 Theatre Critic 1:24 Theatre Critic
- 14 Royal Festival Hall Concert 4:05 Concert
- 15 Spam 2:24 Spam
- 16 Judges 1:27 Judges
- 17 Stake Your Claim 2:00 Stake
- 18 Still No Sign of Land 3:01 Still
- 19 Undertaker 1:34 Undertaker
- 20 Folk Songs of the Spanish Inquisition :29 Spanish Inq 4
BONUS
- 21 Bishop at Home (Mr. Stoddart) 1:27 Bishop
- 22 Court Room Sketch 3:28 Court Room Sketch
- 23 Treadmill Lager 2:23 Treadmill Lager
- 24 Undertaker 1:20 Undertaker
CREDITS
Chorus – The Fred Tomlinson Singers
Engineer – Tony Taverner, Will Roper
Music By – Fred Tomlinson
Performed and Written by – Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Michael Palin
Other Performers – Carol Cleveland, Terry Gilliam
Producer – Michael Palin, Terry Jones
Recorded By – Colin Caldwell
SIDE ONE
01 Apologies 2:00 Apologies
Host 1 Michael Palin
Host 2 John Cleese
Norwegian Announcer Michael Palin
Host 1 Good evening. We apologize most sincerely to those of you who have bought this record under the impression this it was in any way connected with the television program, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. This was due to an error in the printing stage of the album cover. This album is in fact called ‘Pleasures of the Dance’, a collection of Norwegian Carpenter’s songs compiled by Oscar Trict.
(long pause)
Host 2 Good evening. We apologize for the previous apology. This apology was unnecessary and appeared on the record owing to an administrative error. This album is not as stated in the previous apology ‘Pleasures of the Dance’, a selection of Norwegian Carpenter’s songs, but a new album from the humorous television comedy show ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’.
(sound of Norwegian carpenters singing and playing strange musical instruments)
Norwegian Announcer This waltz is the Trondheim Hammer Dance, which is held every 25 minutes in the town of Trondheim, in which the old ladies are struck about the head with round sticks of clerdowl..
Host 2 We apologize for that short extract from the ‘Pleasures of the Dance’ which appeared on this record of Monty Python’s Flying Circus owing to the same administrative error which resulted in the first apology. The rest of this record is now totally taken up with (laughs as he finishes) Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
(The opening few bars of the TV theme is played)
02 Spanish Inquisition 1 2:51 Spanish Inq 1
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 2 sketch 2
03 World Forum 4:00 World Forum
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 12 sketch 3
04 Gumby Theatre 3:00 Gumby Theatre
Host 1 John Cleese
Host 2 Eric Idle
Gumby 1 Michael Palin
Gumby 2 John Cleese
Gumby 3 Eric Idle
(Sound of Telephone being hung up)
Host 1 …and several butchers’ aprons. The next groove on this record has been electronically engineered by some of the world’s finest craftsman to bring to your homes the full glorious spectacle of Gumby Theatre.
(Fanfare music followed by hand clapping)
Host 2 Gumby Theatre comes live tonight from the Yvonne Gumby Theatre near Guilford. L.D. Gumby, M.J. Gumby and R.S. Gumby star in the ‘Cherry Orchard’ by Anton Checkov. The action takes place near Moscow in the 1870’s.
(Sound of birds singing and then knock on door)
Gumby 1 Come in!
(Sound of someone crashing through the door)
Gumby 1 Oh, open the door and come in!
Gumby 2 Sorry!
Gumby 1 Hello!
Gumby 3 Sorry!
Gumby 1 Shut up!
Gumby 2 I’ve got my head stuck in the cupboard!
Gumby 3 Sorry!
Gumby 1 Shut up!
Gumby 2 I can’t see anything!
Gumby 1 Hello!
Gumby 2 I can’t see anything!
Gumby 2 Hello!
Gumby 3 Shut up, Mr Gumby!
(sound of glass breaking)
Gumby 2 Ohhhh… my brain hurts!
Gumby 1 Shut up!
Gumby 2 Sorry!
Gumby 3 Ooohhhhhh…
Host 2 Meanwhile in St Petersburg Illya Nataevska and Mariana Plaentkoff await news of their step-brother Troffemoff.
Gumby 1 Hello!
(sound of more glass breaking)
Gumby 1 Oh I have broken it!
Gumby 2 Get off my foot!
Gumby 1 Shut up!
Gumby 2 Sorry, my brain hurts! My brain hurts!
(sound of more glass breaking and then sound of music)
Host 2 That was ‘The Cherry Orchard’ by Anton Chekov adapted for radio by putting it onto a piece of wood and banging a few nails through it. Mr L.M. Gumby is now appearing in the Thames near Whopping Steps and Mr D.P Gumby is appearing as a central tunnel support on the new Victoria line. And now ‘Book at Bedtime’. This weeks book is ‘The House at Pooh Corner’ read by Mr. N.D. Gumby.
Gumby 1 Oh, I hit my head on the table!
Gumby 2 Oh, shut up!
Gumby 1 Sorry!
Gumby 2 Oh I have a piece of brain stuck in my head… oh my head hurts!
05 Architect 2:59 Architect
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 4 sketch 1
06 Spanish Inquisition 2 1:11 Spanish Inq 2
XIMINEZ Michael Palin
CARDINAL FANG Terry Jones
XIMINEZ Right, you are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed and heresy by eff, four, four counts. Now you have one last chance- confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the, two last chances and you shall be free, three last chances. You have three last chances. Unrighteous creatures….how do you plead? Ha ha ha ha….(long pause) Where has everybody gone?
(pause) Cardinal Fang, Car-din-al Fang!
(door opening)
FANG Sorry my lord, I was just having a cup of tea with these architects..
XIMINEZ Shut up.
FANG They’ve got these lovely little chocolate cakes with silver balls..
XIMINEZ Shut up!
FANG ..and these goodies with these with these little…
(fades out to the sound of clinking cutlery and murmur of voices)
07 Piranha Brothers 9:50 Ethel the Frog
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 1 sketch 5
BONUS
Douglas Michael Palin
Rebecca Terry Jones
Rebecca How’s the commercial dear?
Douglas I’m reading the newspaper dear.
Rebecca Oh yes of course dear, sorry.
Douglas You know the whole fabric of our society is breaking up dear.
Rebecca No I don’t dear, but if you hum it I’ll probably pick it up.
Douglas Oh dear Rebecca, you are so very stupid.
Rebecca Isn’t that why you married me darling?
Douglas Yes, I suppose so.
Rebecca Oh Douglas, you’re a wonderful man.
Douglas Oh I’m not wonderful dear, He is wonderful.
Rebecca Mr. Stoddard?
Douglas No dear, He, He who is greater than us all.
Rebecca Oh of course, there I am being stupid again.
Douglas No dear Rebecca, it is we who are the stupid ones.
Rebecca Yes of course, how stupid of me.
Douglas Perhaps you could go and put the kettle on my darling.
Rebecca Oh, do you think it would suit me?
Douglas That’s enough my sweetness.
Rebecca Of course, I’m sorry I’m such a trial to you.
Douglas You are my cross to bear, dearest Rebecca
Rebecca Oh Douglas, I love it when you put things like that.
Douglas Go now Rebecca, I must prepare my sermon for Sunday.
Rebecca Will you be doing the funny voices this Sunday?
Douglas That wasn’t a funny voice dear, that was the way I always deliver my sermons.
Rebecca Mr. Stoddard says you sound like a horse with its balls caught in a gate.
Douglas I think you must see less of Mr. Stoddard.
Rebecca But we have such fun.
Douglas The devil is fun dear, but that is not what we are on this earth for.
Rebecca No that, I wasn’t thinking of having fun, just, enjoying oneself.
Bailiff Eric Idle
Judge Graham Chapman
Usher Terry Jones
Mr. Haslon-Jones (Nigel) Michael Palin
Pepperpot 1 Terry Jones
Pepperpot 2 Eric Idle
Mr. Lester (Martin) Eric Idle
crowd arguing and shouting back and forth
gavel bangs
Bailiff Silence in court!
shouting quiets
Judge Usher, how many more cases do we have this afternoon?
Usher There’s just this one sir, and then a headmaster.
Judge Why are they taking so long?
Usher Selection of the jury sir. vibrator sound The police are objecting to some of the jurors.
Judge Well we must get a move on. vibrator sound continues And turn that vibrator off. stops
Usher I’m sorry sir it’s just that Maureen’s gone for an interview…
Judge Yes, thank you. Now, gentlemen, are the police satisfied with the jury?
Mr. Haslon-Jones Yes, uh, thank you.
Judge Right, swear the jury in Alan.
Pepperpots talking at the same time Guilty guilty guilty yes he’s guilty!
Usher Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Pepperpot 1 Yes! He done it! other Pepperpots join in
Judge Right, right. Now that’s near enough.
Pepperpots Shoot him, dismember him!
Judge Quiet, quiet please! I shall not start this trial until there is absolute silence.
Pepperpots squabbling, arguing
Judge Tell the jury kindly shut up.
Pepperpots Awwww mumbling
Judge Mr. Haslon-Jones.
Mr. Haslon-Jones clears throat The crown submits, Your Honor, that this is a very simple case of absolute guilt.
Pepperpots applaud, cheer
Judge bangs gavel Quiet!
Mr. Haslon-Jones The man you see before you is called ‘Roger’…
Pepperpots gasp and boo in horror
Mr. Haslon-Jones …he comes from a most unattractive part of London…
Pepperpots Ewww!
Mr. Haslon-Jones …he is not a member of the MCC…
Pepperpots Shame!Shame!
Mr. Haslon-Jones …and I really don’t like him.
Pepperpots applauding politely and cheering
Judge Silence, silence. I really must warn the jury that although I totally agree with them we must maintain some semblance of impartiality.
Pepperpot 1 What’s he talking about?
Pepperpot 2 What’s ‘impartiality’?
Judge It means hearing all the evidence before finding someone guilty.
Pepperpots jeering and booing
Pepperpot 1 We know what a semblance is.
Pepperpot 2 What’s a ‘semblance’?
Pepperpot 1 It’s a bird like a magpie, only with no beak.
Pepperpots No! scoffing and disagreeing
Pepperpot 2 It’s the capital of Norway!
Pepperpots No! scoffing and disagreeing
Judge bangs gavel Shut up!
Pepperpots continue to mumble in background
Judge Mr. Haslon-Jones, do you wish to call any witnesses?
Mr. Haslon-Jones Uh, not at this time sir, it’s 2:30.
Judge Yes, I agree. Are you going to try to catch the 4:48?
Mr. Haslon-Jones Yes I hope so.
Judge Good. Mr. Lester, for the defence.
Pepperpots No, we don’t want him, we don’t like him.
Judge Quiet!
Mr. Lester Your Honor, members of the jury…
Pepperpot 1 Don’t you call us members! Pepperpots moan and whine in agreement We’re not members! Members, that’s what goes into little girls at Whippleton College.
Pepperpots Yes! Yeah, Members in News of the World!
Judge Quiet!
Mr. Lester In order to fully understand the implications of this case and the dangers which face my client, I would like to take us over the full facts of the case leading up to his arrest.
Mr. Haslon-Jones Oh come on Martin. hurry up.
Mr. Lester Why should I hurry up, Nigel? Just so you can meet Jennifer in some seedy little Cotswolds hotel?
Mr. Haslon-Jones I’m not meeting Jennifer, that’s all over. You can ask her, if you ever see her.
Mr. Lester She is still my wife Nigel.
Mr. Haslon-Jones That’s not what she’s saying Martin.
Mr. Lester That may not be what she’s saying, Nigel, but that’s what she’s doing.
Lester and Haslon-Jones crosstalk
Mr. Lester You leave Jennifer out of this you bastard.
Judge joins crosstalk
Judge …very expensive case…
Mr. Haslon-Jones I’ve tried to leave her out of it for long enough.
Judge Amazing priors, it’s all writs
Mr. Haslon-Jones I’m dining with Ronald McCrory tomorrow and he’s still got 48 left to run.
Judge Lucky bastard
Mr. Lester I suppose he’s got Jennifer as well.
crosstalk starts again with Pepperpots joining in
Judge Now, come on, it’s getting on to 4.
Mr. Haslon-Jones Everyone’s got Jennifer
Judge Has the accused anything to say before we catch our train?
Usher Oh he’s dead sir!
Judge Dead?
Usher Stabbed himself in the back, sir.
Pepperpots Hooray! applaud and cheer
Judge Confession of guilt I think, case adjourned.
Alternate take of Bishop sketch from Monty Python’s Contractual Obligation Album: (1980)
Undertaker Eric Idle
Man Terry Jones
door bell rings
Undertaker ‘ello!
Man Hello?
Undertaker Undertaker.
Man What do you want?
Undertaker I’m an undertaker. Anybody dead today?
Man What?
Undertaker Anybody dead today?
Man No.
Undertaker Oh, pity. Still, just checking.
Man I think you must have the wrong address.
Undertaker No just trying my luck. I’m uh, ‘freelance’. So, you haven’t got anyone you want buried?
Man No.
Undertaker Sure? Professionally, with discounts.
Man Look, I think I would know if there was anybody here who was dead
Undertaker Nobody you want just dumped?
Man No thank you.
Undertaker No bodies hanging around the house?
Man No!
Undertaker Still, harm in asking.
ManYes, thank you very much.
Undertaker Be Lucky!
door opens
Undertaker Oh, eh…
Man Yes?
Undertaker Anybody ill?
Man NO!
Undertaker Anybody a bit weak?
Man No thank you!
Undertaker You know I don’t mind waiting, I’ve got the hearse outside.
Man No, thank you much, indeed!
Undertaker Whose the oldest in the house?
Man W-why?
Undertaker No reason, no reason. Any smokers live here?
Man No look now we’ve all given up, thank you very much.
Undertaker You don’t look so good.
Man I feel fine, thank you.
Undertaker Are you sure?
Man Never felt better now, thank you very much.
Undertaker That’s often a sign, perhaps I better stick around.
Man Go away!
Undertaker Any elderly cats?
Man Go Away!
Undertaker Decrepit dogs, moribund mice…
Man GO OUT!
Undertaker Terminal tortoises?
Man Go Away!
Undertaker Geriatric gerbils?
door closes
Man Ugh, bloody undertakers. Never around when you need them. Innit! I forgot about dead Ma and Pa on the landing!
opens door, footsteps running
Man Hey, excuse me!
sounds of debris falling, cats meowling, packages, change, glass falling
SIDE TWO
08 Death of Mary, Queen of Scots 2:34 Death of Mary, Queen of Scots
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 9 sketch 10
09 Penguin on the TV 2:00 Penguin
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 9 sketch 10
10 Comfy Chair 3:00 Spanish Inq 3
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 2 sketch 5
11 Sound Quiz :26 Spanish Inq 3
Host Michael Palin
Host While they are all saying “Comfy Chair”, here is question one of our special Sound Quiz. Question one. What famous person is this getting up in the morning?
(We here an alarm clock ring, someone getting out of bed, they walk around, go to the toilet, flush the toilet, brush their teeth, walk across carpet, pick up electric razor, shave, open & close front door)
Host Yes, it was the film director Visconti. 5 points. An Italian film director is not sufficient.
12 Be a Great Actor 3:01 Be a Great Actor
Host 1 Terry Jones
Host 2 Michael Palin
Spencer Graham Chapman
Donaldson John Cleese
Belinda Carol Cleveland
Actor Himself
Host 1 And now the moment you have been waiting for! (fanfare) Your chance to be like Sir Lawrence Olivier, Sir Alec Guiness, and Laurence Harvey in the privacy of your own living room. Yes, all you need is this record and the script supplied with it and you too can be a great actor.
(Sinster music is played while the following is spoken)
Host 1 You will be playing the part of Montague the forceful yet bitter disillusioned and zany Marxist tycoon in this new play by a very good bearded playwright. Other great British and Welsh actors will be playing only minor roles. Now is your big chance, just follow the script as we present (jarring music) ‘A Taste of Evil’ starring…
Host 2 (whispers) insert your name here
Host 1 as Montague… (jaring music)
Host 2 A Police Station in Rectan
Spencer Morning, super.
Donaldson Morning, wonderful.
Spencer Nasty business up at the Towers, sir.
Donaldson Oh yes, what’s happened?
Spencer Montague’s shot himself.
Donaldson Dead?
Spencer ‘Fraid so sir, blood everywhere.
Host 1 We apologize for an error in this ‘Be a Great Actor’ in your own living room section of the record. Owing to an error in the selection of the play the character of Montague does not appear to speak throughout the production. So let’s go straight on to number 2 in your scripts ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’. You are Charles just back from the war and to help you become a great actor a buzzer will go when it is your turn to speak.
(Fanfare music)
Host 2 ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’, adapted for radio by Jeff Astle and Jean Genet. (more music) Episode 8: Charles Returns to Barclay Manor
Belinda Oh Charles! Charles! Charles!
Actor Buzzzz
Belinda Oh Charles!
Actor Buzzz
Belinda I never thought I’d see you again.
Actor Buzzzzz
Belinda Oh that’s wonderful news, but why? Are you…
Actor Buzz
Belinda Where?
Actor Buzzzzz
Belinda Oh no!
Actor Buzz
Belinda Yes Charles?
Actor Buzzzzz
Belinda I love you too.
Actor Buzz
Belinda But what?
Actor Buzzzzz
Belinda Shot off?
Actor Buzzz
Belinda Completely?
Actor Buzzz
Belinda Oh Charles!
Actor Buzzz
Belinda Charles!
Actor Buzzz
Belinda Charles!
Actor Buzzz
(Fanfare Music)
Host 1 Will Charles ever play football again? Does Ascrith really know what is happening to the chaps in France? And is Belinda such a good (buzzer) as everyone says? Don’t miss next weeks exciting episode.
(Fade out with more dramatic music)
13 Theatre Critic 1:24 Theatre Critic
Host Eric Idle
Gavin Millarrrrrrrrrr John Cleese
Host Neville Shunt’s latest West End Success, “It all Happened on the 11.20 from Hainault to Redhill via Horsham and Reigate, calling at Carshalton Beeches, Malmesbury, Tooting Bec and Croydon West,” is currently appearing at the Limp Theatre, Piccadilly. What Shunt is doing in this, as in his earlier nine plays, is to express the human condition in terms of British Rail.
A report now from Theater Critic Gavin Millarrrrrrrrrr
Gavin Millarrrrrrrrrr Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt’s work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanised mansion.
The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the\ beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine’s elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our aesophagus, the guards van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon.
The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? Over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same, only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew its sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No, there isn’t room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I’m having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.
14 Royal Festival Hall Concert 4:05 Concert
Host Michael Palin
(sound of orchestra tuning their instruments and people walking about)
Host Good eveing, welcome to the Festival Hall for the first of three concerts given by Emile Gilbert to celebrate the one hundred thirty first anniversary of the birth of Tchaikovsky. (orchestra stops tuning and all is quiet) Gilbert starts tonight with Tchaikovsky’s Contezana Padoano
(We hear an orchestra playing the haunting melody. A single violin joins in playing almost a solo. All of a sudden we hear the sound of someone crushing something wooden)
Host Oh dear Gilbert has trodden on his violin. He has put his foot through the bridge and sat on the sound post. Is he going to attempt to finish the piece? I think he is. He has picked up the sound case and the finger board of this beautiful seventeenth century instrument actually made by Nicola Amati at Cremona and he is trying to wedge them under his chin. (We hear Gilbert trying to play again but after a few notes another cruching sound) But no, no, it’s no good.
(sound of hands clapping)
Host The applause you can hear now is because the leader of the Orchestra is going over to Gilbert to lend him his own violin. By no means less than Gilbert’s. It is in fact a Stradivarius. So this is a very sporting gesture. And now Gilbert prepares once again to play Tchaikovsky’s Contezana Padoano.
(The orcestra starts up again and again we hear the sound of a lone violinist, followed by yet another crunching sound)
Host Oh dear the ends come off. He has caught the peg box in one of the uprights of his music stand and in trying to get it out with his ear he has completely snapped off the finger board. What a pity. I have certainly never seen this happen before in the Festival Hall and the leader of the Orcestra is not looking very pleased. In fact he’s punched Gilbert in the face. There’s a bit of blood, but Gilbert has managed to snatch another instrument from the second violinist and he is climbing all the way up towards the organ and he is going to have yet another bash at Tchaikovsky’s Contezana Padoano
(Sound of a solo violinst playing followed quickly by a crunching sound, and then gasps from the audience)
Host And he has crushed the sound box with his chin on the second bar there. This really isn’t his day.
(Murmering of crowd in the background)
And now the conductor Otto Klemperer is hopping across the stage towards Gilbert and trying to poke at him with a stick. I must say this is amazing. This is the first time at the Festival Hall that I have seen a violinist of Gilbert’s calibre poked with a stick. And one of the oboists has leapt on to Klemperer’s back and is pulling his hair out.
I must say that is is wonderful to see the loyalty that which a great soloist like Gilbert can still command amongst his fellow musicians. In fact several of the celloists have thrown off their clothes and are making a vast human pyramid standing a full thirty feet above the smoke and flames drifting across from the blazing wind section and through the smoke I can see… yes… I can see the tympanist one of Britian’s best has lashed himself and a Japanese friend to the kettle drum and is rolling off the stage towards the pit of audero which has opened up under the first six rows of the stall.
Whilst throughout this rather unpleasent business of prising Gilbert out from between the organ pipes is being undertaken by the men of the Royal engineers. And Gilbert is half out.
(in the background we hear the sound of the violinist playing)
He has got an army violin and he is having another go at Contezana Padoano, and he is playing beautifully
(we continue to hear lovely music played on the violin and then an ohhh sound)
But oh dear one of the Royal Engineers has stuck a crowbar through his chest and he has dropped the violin and his very fit young nepatist has pounced upon it and are already taking bits of it across to Herr Billy Brandt across on the other side of the stage.
(We hear the sound of crowds yelling, followed by police sirens)
Well the Police have erected barriers now to keep people away from the rubble and as fighters swoop down (we hear the sound of planes in the background) to bomb the last pocket of resitance, we go onto the next part of our program. The Sonatino in E sharp by Antonio Vivaldi played by Pablo Casals during his 400 foot plunge into a bucket of boiling fat.
(We hear a violin soloist play a few bars and then a scream followed by the sound one would expect if they heard someone falling into a bucket of fat).
15 Spam 2:24 Spam
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 12 sketch 9
16 Judges 1:27 Judges
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 8 sketch 9
17 Stake Your Claim 2:00 Stake
Game Show Host John Cleese
Mr. Voles Michael Palin
Mr. Bill Wymiss Terry Jones
Mrs. Mittelschmerz Graham Chapman
Game Show Host Good evening and welcome to Stake Your Claim. First this evening we have Mr Norman Voles of Gravesend who claims he wrote all Shakespeare’s works. Mr Voles, I understand you claim that you wrote all those plays normally attributed to Shakespeare?
Mr. Voles That is correct. I wrote all his plays and my wife and I wrote his sonnets.
Game Show Host Mr Voles, these plays are known to have been performed in the early 17th century. How old are you, Mr Voles?
Mr. Voles 43.
Game Show Host Well, how is it possible for you to have written plays performed over 300 years before you were born?
Mr. Voles Ah well. This is where my claim falls to the ground.
Game Show Host Ah!
Mr. Voles There’s no possible way of answering that argument, I’m afraid. I was only hoping you would not make that particular point, but I can see you’re more than a match for me!
Game Show Host Mr Voles, thank you very much for coming along.
Mr. Voles My pleasure.
Game Show Host Next we have Mr Bill Wymiss who claims to have built the Taj Mahal.
Mr. Bill Wymiss No.
Game Show Host I’m sorry?
Mr. Bill Wymiss No. No.
Game Show Host I thought you cla…
Mr. Bill Wymiss Well, I did but I can see I won’t last a minute with you.
Game Show Host Next…
Mr. Bill Wymiss I was right!
Game Show Host … we have Mrs Mittelschmerz of Dundee who cla… Mrs Mittelschmerz, what is your claim?
Mrs. Mittelschmerz That I can burrow through an elephant.
Game Show Host (Pause) Now you’ve changed your claim, haven’t you. You know we haven’t got an elephant.
Mrs. Mittelschmerz (Insincerely) Oh, haven’t you? Oh dear!
Game Show Host You’re not fooling anybody, Mrs Mittelschmerz. In your letter you quite clearly claimed that…er…you could be thrown off the top of Beachy Head into the English Channel and then be buried.
Mrs. Mittelschmerz No, you can’t read my writing.
Game Show Host It’s typed.
Mrs. Mittelschmerz It says ‘elephant’.
Game Show Host Mrs Mittelschmerz, this is an entertainment show, and I’m not prepared to simply sit here bickering. Take her away, Heinz!
Mrs. Mittelschmerz Here, no, leave me alone!
(Sound of wind and sea).
Mrs. Mittelschmerz Oooaaahh! (SPLOSH)
18 Still No Sign of Land 3:01 Still
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 13 sketch 13
19 Undertaker Undertaker
From Monty Python’s Flying Circus season 2 episode 13 sketch 14
20 Folksongs of the Spanish Inquisition :29 Spanish Inq 4
Announcer Michael Palin
(birds chirp)
Announcer If you’ve enjoyed listening to this record, you’ll enjoy Oscar Tripp’s second LP: “Folk Songs of the Spanish Inquisition”
(gunshot)
(running feet
Spanish Inquisition Chorus
Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up knees up
Dog and a wheeze up
Knees up Mother Brown