REPOST FROM DOCWEASEL 2003 (One of our first features)
Morgana has suffered from back problems and leering surfers due to her unrealistically large cartoon breasts.
Miami, FL–A consortium of Toon Girlz, Hentai Chicks and XXXComiX Babes have filed a class action suit against their animators, seeking damages for a host of problems incurred due to the huge breasts they have been drawn with.
“Anywhere I appear, I’m subject to gawking, drooling, and in many cases, open masturbation by males ogling my breasts,” says Morgana, star of her own comix series; Morgana- Queen of the Labians. “I feel if I had been drawn more to scale, I wouldn’t be exposed to these indignities,” she said in Dade County Superior Court on Tuesday. “That’s beside my huge costs in studded bustiers and other dramatic breast display units. All the nude cells I’m forced to appear in will surely degrade the natural perkiness and uplift and necessitate cosmetic surgery to get those puppies up and begging again in the coming years.”
SuperSexHeroine Metagirl told Circuit Judge Hercules Onan she has been sexually abused by over 2000 hits a week since she received her breast enlargement in issue #b33 of MetaGirl in Bondage comix. “I can feel thousands of pimply-faced losers staring at me every time my page displays,” she testified. “I just want to be normal again. I mean, realistically, if these breasts existed in the real world, they would probably be too large for any practical use,” Metagirl continued. “I mean come on now, how the fuck would I be able to tie my shoes like this. I haven’t seen my navel in years.”
In open court in Miami today MetaGirl displays her unrealistically and outrageously over-sized mammaries.
Defense attorneys pointed out that comic book illustration as a career, by its very nature, requires an individual with an arrested maturity level at about 12-14 years of age, which are a young man’s prime breast fixated years. This combined with the extreme geekiness and dorkishness of illustrators causes them to be extremely unattractive to real world women, leading to unrealistic female ideals and depictions by these same illustrators.
“Let’s face it, outside of porn models, these guys haven’t seen an actual woman naked their entire lives,” said Madison Slyme, attorney for the comic illustrators. “They suffer from a cognitive dissonance in regard to rational ratios between the female body and ‘bewbies’.”
Morgana, her physique ideally represented after breast reduction (artist’s rendering).
MetaGirl and Morgana were among the dozens of comic, anime, hentai, and manga charactors who planned to use the projected damage awards for breast reductions if their case is successful.
“You know, its bad enough being drawn in these genital and breast-revealing fashions,” said MangaMaid, her vulva prominently exposed in the witness dock, “but my nipples are big as saucers, for god’s sake. These huge, turgidly swollen breasts can only be meant to tittilate and arouse viewers of my comic, leading to self-abuse and self-gratification, if you catch my drift.”
Judge Onan is planning on an exhaustive three week study of the comics in the seclusion of his chambers, and will render his verdict after careful consideration of the material. He may even conduct, private one-on-one interviews after being rendered as a ‘toon by the animators so he can more fully ‘interact’ with the models.
“We can’t rush to judgement here,” said Judge Onan. “Sometimes there is a compelling societal benefit to massive jugs on sluts (citing Marbury vs. Mammaries, 1833).”
“I think in the interest of fairness, when I’m rendered in ‘Toon World I should be depicted with a massive club of a penis, for consistancy’s sake,” said Onan. “I think in order to fully understand the plight of these girls, a truly gargantuan cock is what is called for here, along the lines of Dickator’s unit in the ‘Brutal Pussy Reamology on Mars’ series.”