This week it’s OLDIES! Older movies that aren’t quite hip or cool. I’ve always liked movies and tv shows a few years after they were au courant because they don’t suffer from the lastest trends and catchphrases, they seem anachronistic. 80’s movies are hilarious, but at the time they were insufferable and smug. Now I like ’em. Anyway, here’s some old shit I was digging through, all 7 of them worth watching.
Tobor the Great (1954) Great movie! I’d give it a 5 if it had more explosions. Even my kids, who take a dim view of me making them watch old sci-fi movies from the ’50s and ’60s if they want to hang in my office, were entertained. Score: 4 I love this old stuff.
China Moon (1984) Good rip-off of Body Heat, neither surrogate Harris nor the other one is good as and Kathleen Turner, but interesting in its own right and has Benecio Toro in an early role, just a kid. Good acting and decent plotting. Score: 3
Greengage Summer (1961) Good old drama they used to make when they couldn’t get too specific about sex and etc and it’s too bad they can’t still do these, very good movie. Jane Asher is in it, but she’s a bit homely here. Susannah York isn’t all that, either. The standard for a British “beauty” is several digits on the 10 scale lower than the rest of the world. If Loren is a 10 then York is a 5- But anyway, I liked the movie Score:3
Darkest Hour (2011) I thought I was downloading the Winston Churchill movie but turned out to be this, some aliens are taking over Earth, as aliens will do, for its resources, because it’s well worth travelling lightyears to find elements that exist everywhere in the galaxy and you don’t have hostile natives killing you when you try to exploit them, but whatever. ok movie, I don’t much like that guy from Alpha Dog who is the star here and the sole male survivor, but that’s quibbling, isn’t it? Score:2
Water is Wide (2006) Remake of Conrack. Since it’s more modern a lot more lip service has to be paid to SJWishness plus the whole white savior thing. You know, the fact is, the white savior has a lot of validity in the real world and making movies about it just reflects reality, but SJW types hate reality, that’s why we have to pretend traitor Bradley Manning is a cute little girl named Chelsea now when everyone knows he’s a fucking MAN with a PENIS. But I digress. This is apparently a Lifetime movie remake, so you can’t expect much and you’ll get just that. Score:2 didn’t turn it off, but this guy, pretty as he is, is no Jon Voight, who was amazing in the original.
Dvaeren the Sinful Dwarf (1973) This movie is beyond bizarre. A dwarf and his mom run a brothel stocked by girls he’s charmed with his mechanical dog and led to his house (for what, sex? This is just one of the weird parts) where he shoots them up with heroin, chains them to the wall and then pimps them out. None of the johns think it’s at all weird to fuck these zombied out girls begging for help in a trashed out dungeon. They are chained 24/7 naked and junked out except when they are jonesing, which is all the time. This is a hardcore pr0n movie, not some Showtime soft-core original with dry humping but actual ’70s dry penetration with some guys big honking veiny cock dry dicking a full bush with sagging lips. Various odd shit happens until finally the cops get wind of this arrangement and put a stop to it and the dwarf jumps out of a window rather than face his comeuppance. Apparently there’s another version where the girls try to escape and he turns into a hamster-like being. Now that would have been weird. Anyway, it was funny, worth it alone for all the mugging for a camera the little guy does. Score: 3 hey I’m not saying it was GWTW but I enjoyed it, plus the ’70s pr0n made me nostalgic for the good ol’ days
Stone Cold Dead (1979) Another movie where the villain is a dwarf! What are the chances? In face Paul Williams looks disturbingly like Dvaergen as he creepily hits on hookers as a drug kingpin in the Richard Crenna vehicle. Someone is killing hookers in the big city! Who can it be? SPOILER it’s the spoiled asshole fuckfaced daughter of a madam who put her creep kid through college with her whoremoney so daughter hates all hookers therefore and must kill them, ’til she’s caught then she kills herself. Something stupid that bugged me, like Dvaegen, this bint kills several cops and bystanders running away, then immediately kills herself when it looks like she might be caught. She jumps to her death just like Dvaegen, but oversells it by shooting herself off the building. The monologues of this “actress” have to be seen to believed, no one emotes like that anymore, it was a unique ’70s style of acting that was thought to be ‘naturalistic’ back then but is laughably stupid now. Anyway, I enjoyed the Eyes of Laura Mars-type plot where everyone you think might have done it keeps getting killed. Score: 3