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Monty Python’s And Now For Something Completely Different


Scene 6: Nudge Nudge

Whitehousish Voice: Cut! That’s it! We’re not going to allow this sort of smut on the screen. This depraved and degrading spectacle is going to stop right now, do you hear me? Stop it! I can’t believe it.Man

VOICEOVER: Guh! Just when it was getting good.

Man: ‘Evening, squire!

Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.

Man: Is, uh,…Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?

Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?

Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes “goes”, yes.

Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?

Squire: (confused) I’m afraid I don’t quite follow you.Man: Follow me. Follow me. That’s good, that’s good! A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat!

Squire: Are you, uh,…are you selling something?

Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

Squire: Well, I, uh….

Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?

Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes!

Man: I bet she does, I bet she does!

Squire: As a matter of fact she’s very fond of cricket.

Man: ‘Oo isn’t? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She’s been around a bit, been around?

Squire: She has traveled, yes. She’s from Scarsdale. (pause)

Man: SAY NO MORE!!

Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

Squire: I wasn’t going to!

Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in….photography, ay? “Photographs, ay”, he asked him knowlingly?

Squire: Photography?

Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Squire: Holiday snaps, eh?

Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography?

Squire: No, no I’m afraid we don’t have a camera.

Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

Squire: Look… are you insinuating something?

Man: Oh, no, no, no…yes.

Squire: Well?

Man: Well, you’re a man of the world, squire.

Squire: Yes…

Man: I mean, you’ve been around a bit, you know, like, you’ve, uh…. You’ve “done it”….

Squire: What do you mean?

Man: Well, I mean like,….you’ve SLEPT, with a lady….

Squire: Yes….

Man: What’s it like?

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