Author: Tamphex

August 25, 2001 Aaliyah and members of her entourage were killed in a tragic airplane accident. However, the story had a happy ending when Aaliyah was resurrected as a Voodoo Zombie 10 years ago today, August 26, 2001, when we first ran this feature. This is a recap of that amazing story that won the hearts (and brains) of millions.
Aaliyah’s CD sales skyrocket after she is reanimated as voodoo zombie

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Rumors are swirling about Huma Abedin, who goes everywhere with Hillary!, might be the Democrat front-runner’s scissor sister. This blog, of course, does not deal in innuendo and rumor.

Ok, this stuff is just too good to pass up:

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Scientists from the Alpha Centauri planetary system have finished an analysis of widely scattered debris after the implosion of planet A09 D435 D098G LK-897890, known to the erstwhile inhabitants as “Earth” in the language of the most cultured and intelligent of the native species.

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Dan Riehl’s latest post got us thinking, with the first caucus coming up soon, we’d better make a decision on who is best suited for president. Our readers are probably anxiously awaiting our answer, and so here it is just in time. No, its not Ron Paul.
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My favorite blogger and sekrit krush Agent Bedhead has the scoop on Jack Skellington clone NicolefukkenRichieRich.

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So You’re Thinking of Offing Yourself

This week docweasel.com tries to help those in pain deal with the question of taking your own life. Find more help on DWF
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Aaliyah Petition

In case you missed it, this throwaway piece Aaliyah Returns with Lisa One-Eye Lopez as Undead Zombies and Announce New Tour, itself a sequel to the original piece soon after Aaliyah died. That piece is lost to history, having been posted before the changeover and redesign and not deemed worthy of being included when a lot of articles were moved.
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This Week’s Feature by: faulty from Gutteral Vomit

AUSSIE SLANG

Aeroplane blonde
One who has bleached or dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

Badly packed kebab
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia
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Gutteral Vomit E-zine July 2002
by faulty from Gutteral Vomit

I was stoned, he was dethroned!

The brekky cones had just come on and I found myself staring stupidly in the mirror.

I was clearly stoned.
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Aaliyah: “I’m just so happy to be working with another young star who has been raised from the dead. We stayed up all last night talking and snacking on babies watching the Faces of Death marathon and just laughing our asses off. Lisa is one funny and sweet-ass little girl, even if she is a freaky looking mutant!”

Los Angeles, CA– Deceased pop-star Aaliyah held a press conference Wednesday announcing her upcoming tour with the reconstructed and rejuvenated Lisa “Third-Eye” Lopes after a successful operation to rebuild Lisa out of spare parts.

Flesheating R&B sensation Aaliyah, burnt alive and horribly disfigured in a plane crash in August 2001 and later resurrected from the grave in a Sansevarian Voodoo ritual , will combine forces with recently deceased and rebuilt Lisa “Third-Eye” (a 3rd one was installed in the gaping wound left in her forehed for extra mobility) Lopes for a 20-city “We Want To Eat Your Babies” tour.
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