Thanks to the indominable YIFY (sorry, can’t link him, you’ll have to “search” for him somehow, that is, I assume he’s a man, he may well be a girl but they are rarely involved in this sort of thing, but that is a stereotype, isn’t it? YIFY may very well be a girl. No, it’s a guy, use your head.)
Anyway, here’s what I’ve been watching while working this week. So many shitty movies. I try to put them bestish to worstish.
Blade Runner 2049 (2017) I like Gosling, he’s always playing these silent, competent types who get the job done. All the cast is great, including Robin Wright, getting a little long in the tooth, taking the role Sigourny Weaver usually gets, tough, middle aged head of the program who gets killed off. The plot is fine, I guess they made replicants so real they evolved the ability to give birth and Jared Leto with creepy contacts wants the one and only baby these guys have given birth to over the half-century so he can back-engineer how to make more fertile replicants so he can populate the universe with humanoid beings, god alone knows why, because it’s there, I guess. The greatest part of this movie is his right-hand replicant, Luv, who is a bitch whore from hell who murders humans unfeelingly and with gusto.
Nice touch where she lets Wright’s head bounce off the table when she drops her after using her for facial recognition. She also “murders” Gosling’s holographic love interest by stomping the thumb-drive thingy she’s in. She murders various other people viciously and kicks Gosling’s ass, saying “I’m the best”, then he proceeds to choke her out and drown her which I hope disabuses her of the idea she’s the best. I’ve rarely relished the total humiliation and defeat of a villain as this one. She’s such a bitch. Anyway, Harrison Ford steps in, showing why he’s a great actor among mere mortals, but he doesn’t get to do much here, in the one real action sequence he’s handcuffed and helpless. He reunites with the replicant spawn he fathered and happy ending, against all odds. The first one only got a happy ending against Scott’s wishes, as the story goes, so now that he’s in total charge why did he impose one on this dystopian nightmare? One word: Box Office Receipts Domestically and Abroad and After-Market Sales, Streaming and Broadcast.
Happy endings sell better, although this one apparently lost about $100m (in this day and age they’ll eventually make it up) and there might even be a sequel, seems like that would have been more likely with at least some kind of open ending but it’s pretty tied up loose ends-wise. Anway, so odd to see a movie with good acting, a plot that doesn’t annoy you, actors that don’t annoy you, no child actors, good production values, even though it’s a sequel it doesn’t shit all over the original (very much, they bring out a Sean Young look-alike who mugs and minces around for a bit before Luv mercifully shoots it in the head which seems kind of contrived, like one of those ‘everyone will talk about this scene’ type obligatory things. But other than that, I liked the movie, so very rare these days. Score: a rare 4!
Wonderwheel (2017) Well, say what you want about Woody, he gives good movie. This is a nice little film, you can’t see where the story is going exactly from the get-go, great acting (except for Timberlake, unless he’s supposed to be playing a retard). Why not Chris Pine or Channing Tatum or some other ‘hunky’ guy instead of this weedy little mumbler who can’t even do a line reading? Allen also includes a really really really annoying little kid who you figure is going to figure into the story at the end. Little kids in movies are almost universally annoying, unnecessary and distracting. The ending really sucks, Timberlake’s character should have ratted her out to her husband for setting up his daughter, then he kills her. But no, he gets over his daughter’s death right away and talks about going fishing and how this cow must never leave him.
Meanwhile, Satan Jr. lights a fire on the beach. Why no retribution for these terrible, terrible Mom and Son? They deserve to die. Also interesting: Hollywood’s bandwagon jumping witchhunt has now focused on Woody, with even some of these actors saying they are sorry they worked with him (wtf? What changed? The charges were leveled against him 20 years ago) but opportunistic or not it looks like it’s going to be hard for him to get A-listers and up and comers to act for him the way this is playing out. Well, fuck all of them. I damn sure wouldn’t turn down a chance to work with him because his ex-wife coached her kid into saying he raped them. This is different from a lot of the crap going on. Fuck Mia Farrow eternally, I’m glad her career went down the shitter, she ruined a number of Allen movies before he finally dumped her. Score: 3 I liked the movie, but hated a couple characters and the denouement.
Cafe Society (2016) this is a harder lift because unlike Wheel, an ensemble piece (did I mention Jim Belushi is really good in that?) this one focuses on 2 people, the guy from that Facebook movie and the horsefaced teenager from Twilight.
She also plays the part of a real cunt, so it’s even easier to dislike her, but annoying she basically haunts the guys entire life because she picked his uncle and power and wealth instead of him and squalor in a Greenwich Village apartment where they would have ended up hating and resenting each other once the electricity went off since he’s a what, a poet? A writer?
Something like that, but it don’t pay, jack. She comes back smug and asinine and all Hollywood and he just eats it up and takes right back up with her, although he doesn’t actually fuck her they spend time together and reminisce and it’s just dull and stupid and vapid because its that punk from Twilight we’re talking about.
Get a real angel of a beauty and it makes sense. Here it’s stupid, especially since the guy ended up with a much more beautiful wife who loves him and has the advantage of not being a total slut whore, whom the Twilight girl undeniably is. Ends unresolved but not with the audience wanting more of this stupidity. Score: 1 Sorry Woody, one of your worst, and the casting contributed.
Killing of the Sacred Deer (2017) Ugh. Bad enough another “doctor is drunk and fails to save life of father of psycho, so psycho is back for revenge” but this time this really po-faced, hateful pissant of an antagonist uses supernatural means, a curse, to start paralyzing and starving the doctor’s family. To complicate things, his daughter is in love with the psycho, even after he paralyzes her brother and her.
The wife, as any woman would, is perfectly ok with sacrificing one of her kids to stop the curse, as they can always have another. Mother of the year, right? So I see where this is going and skip to old reliable Wiki, which has saved me sitting through o so many lame ass movies where the writer and director manipulate you with a fucked up stupid ass story and I find the kid totally wins, they kill their son and go on as before but the psycho still stalks them with his dead-eyed punchable face. Everything I hate in a horror movie, the bad guy wins on all fronts, and I don’t give a shit if his father was killed due to the doctor’s negligence.
Get his license revoked, sure, but kill his kids? Come fucking on. This is part of the fact movies have a total moral degeneracy these days where you’re supposed to root for the asshole torturer on Saw and hope all his victims die as gruesomely as possible.
No horror movie villain ever dies anymore because that would kill a possible franchise (although dying in a movie doesn’t ever really die). Anyway, on top of everything else, everyone talks in an affected, stilted manner that is even more maddening.
Nicole Kidman still looks good in her bra and panties, though. Score: 0 didn’t watch through, shitty acting and fucked up plot plus kid actor you want to see crushed by his own Jeep ala Anton Yeltchin, whom I also always found annoyingly smug and ‘precocious’. So I’d like to see this actor “yelchinned” to coin a phrase.
Geostorm (2017) Starts off with a kid lecturing us about glowball warmage (which is not happening, which is a scam to impose globalist socialist government controls on every facet of life) but they go offscript by coming up with a technological fix (anathema to these types who want perpetual control as the only panacea) So this is a real time review. Oh, it’s the 300 guy. He’s good, he’s bad, no tell yet, ugh, some faux ‘black’ banter with the black doorman. Oh yeah, he’s hip. Government/bureaucracy bashing, good. And someone inside is sabotaging the geothingy.
And the black girl STEM genius (uh huh) corrects the young love interest pair: “This is bigger than you and me” black genius girl “You and I” both the young love interests “Shut up”. The funny part, for those of you who actually speak English, is that black genius STEM girl is wrong, it IS “me”, the subject of the sentence. “This” is the subject. You use I when you are the subject of the sentence. Really stupid screenwriter but how stupid are the actress, director and everyone else involved to let this go? Because faux smart people always think it’s right to say “I”. I’ve seen a bunch of movies where a smart set of black people, whom the writer wants to show are classy, elegant and educated say: “That is between you and I” or somesuch, making them look stupid (Spike Lee is big on this) but moving on.
Ok, the WORST secret service agent ever. A 20-something girl is in charge of the president’s security team. If the writers can’t get past their tokenism to see how implausible this is, I fear their judgement is beyond repair.
On the word of her boyfriend, she goes rogue and kidnaps the president, putting him in the way of extreme harm. She is the one who shoots it up, drives the getaway car and gets to say the snarky one-liner as she kills the main villain’s henchman. At the same time, although they need Gerard Butler as the star, he invented the whole system, they have to bow to SJWs and the leader of the entire spaceship thingy is, again, a young woman, who behave heroically right along-side Butler because men can’t steal all the action glory these days, it must be shared. So (and this smacks of re-writing so hard it smells) she redundantly accompanies him alongside his heroics like a little puppy and sacrifices herself along with him.
I expect them to come popping up somehow though, and sure enough, there’s a blip on the radar… they are in one of the pod-things and rescuing them, despite the fact shuttles aren’t supposed to dock with pods and there’s no protocol for it, a robotic arm grabs and saves them. And the guy who saves them is Mexican! And to rub this in your face, he points at the Mex flag decal on his arm and says “thank a Mexican!” because the Mexicans, as we all know, are so immersed in the space program. That’s cuz they have so much money to throw at it. Gerard’s girl and daughter are forced to sit and watch on TV, I’m surprised they didn’t work in the 12 year old getting on her macbook and inputting the codes to save everyone. Sequel, I guess. This is such a bullshit shoe-horning in of women action “heroes” it just stinks with unreality.
The secret service agent of course gets no reprimand (let alone prison) for kidnapping the president, I guess if your gut tells you to go for it, just go for it. What a load of crap. The smug little kid talks us out, assuring us that putting the thing into international hands (one world, one people) it’s now safe from the machinations of the US Government. You know, you’d think when leftists are making these movies about rogue right wingers who take over the government for the sake of world domination they might consider that the answer is to stop making the government so goddamned powerful to begin with so it doesn’t have the chance to do these things, right or left in charge, but no, it’s always the individual who is to blame, government shines on. Fuck this movie. I watched it through but with disgust. Score:1 I have no words to express how much I want to piss on these people.