Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Scene 22 : Inside the Cave / Black Beast of Aaauugh
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ARTHUR: There! Look!
LAUNCELOT: What does it say?
GALAHAD: What language is that?
ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar.
MAYNARD: It’s Aramaic!
GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!
LAUNCELOT: ‘Course!
ARTHUR: What does it say?
MAYNARD: It reads, ‘Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh’.
ARTHUR: What?
MAYNARD: ‘…The Castle of aaaaaagggh’.
BEDEVERE: What is that?
MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, come on!
MAYNARD: Well, that’s what it says.
ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘aaaaaggh’. He’d just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that’s what’s carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
MAYNARD: No. Just ‘aaaaaagggh’.
LAUNCELOT: Aaaauugggh.
ARTHUR: Aaaaaggh.
BEDEVERE: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?
GALAHAD: Where’s that?
BEDEVERE: France, I think.
LAUNCELOT: Isn’t there a ‘Saint Aaauuves’ in Cornwall?
ARTHUR: No, that’s ‘Saint Ives’.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.
KNIGHTS: Iiiiives.
BEDEVERE: Oooohoohohooo!
LAUNCELOT: No, no. ‘Aaaauugggh’, at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.
BEDEVERE: N– no. No, no, no, no. ‘Oooooooh’, in surprise and alarm.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a ‘aaaah’!
BEDEVERE: Yes, but I– aaaaaah!
ARTHUR: Oooh!
GALAHAD: My God!
[dramatic chord]
[roar]
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MAYNARD: It’s the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!
[Black Beast of Aaauugh eats BROTHER MAYNARD]
BEDEVERE: That’s it! That’s it!
ARTHUR: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
[roar]
Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!
[roar]
Keep running!
[boom]
[roar]
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!…
BEDEVERE: We’ve lost him.
[roar]
KNIGHTS: Aagh!
NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.
ANIMATOR: Ulk!
[thump]
NARRATOR: The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue.