Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl
Scene 16 : International Philosophy
Annoucer Michael Palin
Annoucer Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium in Munchen for the second leg of this exciting final. And here comes the Germans now, led by their skipper “Lobby” Hegel. They must truly be favorites this afternoon. They’ve certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let’s now see their line-up :
Annoucer The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibniz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer, and Schelling, front runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche, and Heidegger, and the midfield duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a surprise there. And here come the Greeks, led off by their veteran centerhalf Herakleitos. Let’s look at their team :
5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
Annoucer As it’s expected it’s a much more defensive line-up. Plato’s in goal, Socrates is a front runner there, and Aristotle as sweeper. Aristotle, very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes. Well, here comes the referee: Con-Fu-Cu, Confucius and his two linesmen, St. Augustian and St. Thomas Acquinus. And as the two skippers come together to shake hands we’re ready for the start of this very exciting final.. The referee, Mr. Confucius, checks his hand…
Annoucer …and…they’re off! Nietzsche and Hegel there, old Jaspers —- on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him, there’s Beckenbauer, Schelling there, Heidegger covering, Schopenhauer, and now it’s the Greeks. Epikuros, we find him number six, Aristotle, Empedokles and Deraklites, and Demokrites with him, there’s Archimedes, Socrates, there he is, Socrates, Socrates there going through…there’s the ball, there’s the ball. We’ll be bringing you back to this exciting contest the moment anything interesting happens.
GERMANY 0 GREECE 0
Continues after Scene 17 Four Yorkshiremen
Annoucer Well, there may be no score, but there’s certainly no lack of excitement here, as you can see, Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say name going book, and this is Nietszche’s third booking in four games.
Annoucer And, oh, that is Karl Marx. Karl Marx is warming up, it looks as if it is going to be a substitution on the German side. Obviously manager Martin Luther has decided on all-out attack and indeed he must, with only two minutes of the match to go. But the big question is: Who is going to be replaced? Who is gonna come off? It could be Jaspers, Hegel or Schopenhauer.
But it’s Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein —- only last week! And here’s Marx! Let’s see if he can put some light in this German attack. Evidently not. What a shame. Well, now, with just over a minute left, replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital. There’s Archimedes, and I think he’s had an idea!
Annoucer Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Herakleitos, he beat Hegel, Herakleitos is a little flick, here comes on the bardboard Socrates, Socrates is there! It is in! The Greeks are going… the Greeks are going mad! The Greeks are going there, Socrates scores, beautiful form and the Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that reality is merely a question of ethics, Kant by the categoric imperative is holding that ultimologically possessed only in the imagination and Marx is claiming it was off-side!
But Confucius blows the final whistle…it’s all over! Germany, having chanced England’s famous midfield trio Vincent, Mogalov in the semifinal, have been beaten by the odd goal! And that’s it again! There it is, Socrates, Socrates heads it in, and Leibniz somehow has no chance! And just look at those delighted Greeks!
There they are, chopper Sokrates, Empedokles, and Deraklites! What a game here! And Epikuros is there, and Sokrates, the captain who scored what must probably be the most important goal of his career!