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Series 1, Episode 2: Man with 3 Buttocks
The cast:
ANNOUNCER Eric Idle
HOST John Cleese
ARTHUR FRAMPTON Terry Jones
The sketch:
Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks!
Host : I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who… (pause) Mr. Frampton,
I understand that you – um – as it were… (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have – er – two… Two.
Frampton: Oh, sure.
Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable?
Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine.
Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your… (pause) rump.
Frampton: I beg your pardon?
Host: Your rump.
Frampton: What?
Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon.
Frampton: What’s that?
Host: (whispers) Your buttocks.
Frampton: Oh, me bum!
Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a… (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say.
Frampton: I got three cheeks.
Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick… (pause) a quick visual… (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down.
Frampton: What? (to cameramen) ‘Ere, get that away! I’m not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am?
Host: Please take them down.
Frampton: No!
Host: No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It’s quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming… that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof.
Frampton: I’ve been on Persian Radio … Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I’ve got three buttocks.
Host: How?
Frarnpton: We go cycling together.
(Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks
down, looks up and exclaims ‘strewth ‘.)
Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks.
(Interview studio again.)
Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were – well let me put it another way… I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people… didn’t we do this just now?
Frampton: Er … yes.
Interviewer: Well why didn’t you say so?
Frarnpton: I thought it was the continental version.
(Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk)
Announcer: And now for something completely the same – a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings – he answers) Hullo? … Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for
something completely different. A man with three noses
Off-Screen Voice: He’s not here yet!
Announcer: Two noses?