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Series 1, Episode 3: Nudge Nudge
The cast:
MAN Eric Idle
SQUIRE Terry Jones
The sketch:
Man: ‘Evening, squire!
Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.
Man: Is, uh,…Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?
Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?
Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?
Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes “goes”, yes.
Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge?
Squire: (confused) I’m afraid I don’t quite follow you.Man: Follow me. Follow me. That’s good, that’s good! A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat!
Squire: Are you, uh,…are you selling something?
Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!
Squire: Well, I, uh….
Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?
Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes!
Man: I bet she does, I bet she does!
Squire: As a matter of fact she’s very fond of cricket.
Man: ‘Oo isn’t? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She’s been around a bit, been around?
Squire: She has traveled, yes. She’s from Scarsdale. (pause)
Man: SAY NO MORE!!
Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!
Squire: I wasn’t going to!
Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in….photography, ay? “Photographs, ay”, he asked him knowlingly?
Squire: Photography?
Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?
Squire: Holiday snaps, eh?
Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography?
Squire: No, no I’m afraid we don’t have a camera.
Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?
Squire: Look… are you insinuating something?
Man: Oh, no, no, no…yes.
Squire: Well?
Man: Well, you’re a man of the world, squire.
Squire: Yes…
Man: I mean, you’ve been around a bit, you know, like, you’ve, uh…. You’ve “done it”….
Squire: What do you mean?
Man: Well, I mean like,….you’ve SLEPT, with a lady….
Squire: Yes….
Man: What’s it like?