Series 3, Episode 36: Free Repetition of Doubtful Words Sketch
VOICE OVER John Cleese
PEEPEE Eric Idle
CLERK Terry Jones
Voice Over: (and caption) ‘THE FREE REPETITION OF DOUBTFUL WORDS – SKIT, SPOOF, JAPE OR VIGNETTE, BY A VERY UNDER-RATED WRITER’
(A post office counter window, with ‘Telegram Enquiries’ over the top. We see this through an ornate vignette. The clerk is behind the counter. Enter Mr Peepee. They speak very stiltedly.)
Peepee: I’ve come for some free repetition of doubtful words on an inland telegram.
Clerk: Have you got the telegram in question?
Peepee: I have the very thing here.
Clerk: Well, slip it to me my good chap and let me eye the contents.
Peepee: At once Mr Telegram Enquiry Man.
Clerk: Thank you Mr Customer Man.
(reads) Aha. ‘Purling I glove you. Clease clome at bronce, your troving swife, Pat.’ Which was the word you wanted checking?
Peepee: My wife’s name is not Pat at all.
Peepee: It’s Bat. With a B.
Clerk: And therefore I will take a quick look in the book.
CAPTION: ‘ONE QUICK LOOK IN THE BOOK LATER’
Clerk: You’re quite right, old cock. There has been a mistake.
Peepee: I thought as much. What really does it say?
Clerk: It say ‘Go away you silly little bleeder. I am having another man. Love Bat’. Quite some error.
Peepee: Yes. She wouldn’t call herself Pat, it’s silly.
Clerk: Daft, I call it.
Peepee: Well it has been a pleasure working with you.
Clerk: For me also it has been a pleasure. And that concludes our little sketch.
(String quartet music starts to play, as at the beginning, only this time we widen to reveal a string quartet sitting in the set, playing. The clerk and Peepee adopt slightly frozen position. Mix to:)
Voice Over: (and caption) ‘THE FREE REPETITION OF DOUBTFUL WORDS THING, BY A JUSTLY UNDEHATED WRITER – THE END’