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Series 4, Episode 43: A Room in Polonius’ House/Dentists (Live from Epsom)
The cast:
PRESENTERMichael Palin
DENTISTGraham Chapman
PATIENT(?)
HOUSEWIFEGraham Chapman
PROPERTY DEVELOPERMichael Palin
The sketch:CAPTION: Act Two – A Room in Polonius’s House
Cut to Frank Bough type presenter. Behind him are sports pictures.
Presenter Hello, and welcome to `A Room in Polonius’s House’. Well tonight is
European Cup night. One result is already in from Munich. The European Cup,
first round, second leg, Bayern München 4397, Wrexham 1. So Wrexham going
through there on aggregate. Well, now it’s time for racing, so let’s go over to
Epsom and Brian McNutty.
Cut to a dentist’s surgery. A dentist is filling a patient. He talks to camera.
CAPTION: Live from Epsom
Dentist Well over here at Epsom, there are chances a-plenty for those who want to make a good start in…
Patient Dentistry.
Dentist Dentistry. It’s a well-off suburb, so most people have their own teeth and surgeries are opening at a rate of four or five a week.
Cut to housewife in a back garden standing in front of a washing line with really nasty stained washing on it: some man’s trousers with very nasty stain on crotch and running down the leg; a badly torn sheet with melted chocolate biscuit stuck on it; a huge bra, with cups eighteen inches across; two pieces of bacon and a fried egg pegged on the line; and more dirty washing.
CAPTION: Live from Epsom
Housewife Well, it’s only forty-four minutes from the West End on the train and it’s not too built up, so you can have a nice garden. And the people of Epsom are a very noce class of person.
Cut to a property developer in a main street.
CAPTION: Live from Epsom
Property Developer Well here in High Street Epsom, there are ample opportunities for all kinds of redevelopment. As you can see (he indicates old houses) behind me now there are a high level of low density consumer units, still not fully maximising site value. This could be radically improved by a carefully planned programme of demolition. And of course most of the occupants are… er… elderly folks, so they wouldn’t put up much of a fight.