This week docweasel.com brings you a
rant article by the lovely and talented Li of domedry.com She is dying to hear your comments, complaints, asskissing, gripes, kvetches or other thoughts on this wonderful and informative article (it’s wonderformativeful!) just e-mail Li! She can’t wait.
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It’s not enough that every fast food place I go to has “Adkins approved” “Low or no Carb” BS, now I have to make a mental note to check the products I pick up while grocery shopping. If you’re anything like me you take two large shopping trips a month rather then twice a friggin week, which means you spend about an hour – 2 hours in a grocery store, by the time you reach the dairy products you do not feel like reading every fucking lable, low fat, no fat and “original” were annoying enough.
So yesterday I go shopping, I ignore the low fat and no fat, appearently low fat is regular now, wtf, and grab the next box that says strawberries and cream on the box, not noticing the little “carb control” warning label in the corner. Which brings me to this morning.
I want to start my morning with a tall class of coke and some strawberries and cream fucking yogurt, not because I am health concious, but because I fucking like the way yogurt tastes. After pulling out my individual yogurt cup I see a huge “Carb control” sticker on the front, I friggin wish that would have been on the GOD DAMNED BOX.
Thus I am now sitting here with yogurt that tastes like spoiled milk with a faint hint of strawberry lurking somewhere in the foul mix, wondering what sadistic person would eat this shit in an effort to be “healthy”. You’re all sick. I HATE you trendy fucks.
I hope you realize not eating carbs is pretty fucking BAD for you. No, no, we don’t ask questions, we just jump head long into retarded, potentially unhealthy, trends. Every time I see a carb free sign I want to reach out and choke the living shit out of someone. SEPARATING your carbs and protiens, IE eating them at different times, will help you to lose weight, true.
Cutting carbs out of your goddamn diet alltogether is generally a bad idea. A) Your brain needs carbohydrates to function, people with low carb intake are more apt to mental degeneration such as Alsheimers. 2) Studies show carbs lower the risk of cancer. 3) You are likely to have your life cut short by pissed off people like myself who want to enjoy their fucking strawberry yogurt without an ass aftertaste.
If you’re overweight and UNHAPPY about it, get off your lazy fucking ass and get a treadmill. If it’s genetic, not eating carbs will NOT save you. In short, you mindless sheep need to be removed from the face of the earth so that I may return to enjoying my carbs, sugar and fat, in peace.